1 young owl (chicken can be substituted, but only if raised under cruel conditions)
1 cup cheap white wine (but not Ripple; Inglenook Chardonnay will do)
2 heaping tablespoons of tomato paste
1 sliced onion
1 chopped garlic clove
1 sliced green pepper
1 small box of mushrooms, if you have any fresh
1 tablespoon crushed red pepper
1 teaspoon salt
3 teaspoons ground black pepper
2 teaspoons oregano
Pluck, gut, and joint the owl. You can do this before or after you kill it — it'll still taste the same. Roll the pieces lightly in flour and brown them over medium heat. Add the mushrooms while the beast is browning, then the garlic, then the onions, and finally the green peppers. Stir all together vigorously. As soon as the smell starts making your mouth water, throw in 1/4 cup of the wine, add the tomato paste, salt, black pepper, and oregano. When the wine is almost rendered, add the crushed red peppers, and finally the rest of the wine. Cover and simmer for 30-40 minutes.

Serves one, two if he/she wants to share and you have some linguini made up.