|
Gohar Shahi group funding âImam Mehdiâ network
Shahbaz Khan, the self-proclaimed âImam Mehdiâ, and his followers are being funded by Younas Al-Gohar, the founder of Gohar Shahi group, who lives in the United Kingdom, sources in the investigation team told Daily Times. Sources said that the investigators had also forwarded a report to higher authorities demanding Interpol help to arrest Younas. Shahbaz told investigators that British national Younas, who is a billionaire and an expert hypnotist, was their main financer. Shahbaz was also learning hypnotism from Younas.
 I'm starting to get really interested in this story, even though it doesn't make a lick of sense.
Younas, I'm convinced, is surrounded by fanatical minions. He can freeze a strong man with a single glance, and he has a grip of steel. He drops his enemies into pits full of hungry alligators. He punishes minions with death for the slightest screwup.
He has a beautiful daughter named Fatimah, who favors 4-inch, blood red fingernails and slinky dresses. Her maid's name is Mei-ling, and Fatimah abuses her.
Younas has Professor Hodgkiss locked in a tower, where he's forced to work on the tsunami machine. If he doesn't, his beautiful daughter Cynthia will be ravished by Mungo, Younas' hunchback.
Secret Agent Armstrong has been trying to infiltrate Gohar Shahi so he can rescue Cynthia and Professor Hodgkiss and destroy the tsunami machine that devastated Sumatra last year. He's got a sidekick named Gus, who says all sorts of amusing things... |
Sources said that Shehbaz told the investigators that he had also been publishing a newspaper, Hatif Mehdi. He said that he was in contact with Younas through mind rays email and gave investigators five email addresses belonging to his advisers. Shahbaz said that their group was working in Europe under the titles of AFSM and ARGO to preach their new religion through two websites.
| That's where they get all their fanatical minions. We can't publish the URLs, 'cuz if you go there you'll be hypnotized with one look. You won't even make it past the popups, so don't even try... |
Sources said that Shahbaz was a follower of Gohar Shahi and Younas chose him for his activities after the death of Gohar Shahi.
| Gohar Shahi, of course, isn't really dead. He's actually being held in the dungeon. Mei-ling brings him something to eat once a week. She's fallen in love with him, because he's actually a kindly old man... |
Shahbaz said that Younas ordered him to return to Pakistan and announce the new religion.
| It takes some kind of evil genius to announce a new religion in Pakistan. Do it in Copenhagen and nobody pays attention... |
He arranged a new setup in the last six months with the collaboration of his previous Gohar Shahi network.
| They think the old man is dead, but they all went to the website to read the obituary and that was it â now they're all myrmidons... |
Shahbaz told investigators that he was trying to recruit poor people to his cause. He and his followers would attract people through money and other facilities. They also preached to their followers about a free society in which anyone can have sex with any woman of his choice.
| Younas, y'see, is kinda physically unattractive, for all his billions. That's the only way he can get laid... |
Shahbaz said that they were working under different names including Hizb-e-Riaz, Mehdi Foundation, Deen-e-Younas, Deen-e-Elahi, Sarkari Sufi and Anjuman-e-Sarfoshan-e-Islam.
| Sometimes they refer to themselves as SPECTRE, and sometimes as KAOS. Every once in awhile they call themselves Boskone, but only on special occasions... |
Sources said that the culprits were also in contact with their supreme leaders in Hyderabad âwhere they have set up a state titled Khuda Ki Bastiâ.
| They've got a golden idol they sacrifice goats and sometimes virgins to, when they can get ahold of them. It's only got one eye, a great big jewel that Baron von Schtinken was trying to steal... |
âThey invite their followers there to go on Haj and give them travelling and other expenses,â sources added.
| Some, of course, never return... |
Shahbaz also confessed to hypnotising people and giving them hashish.
"Whoa! Good weed, man!"
"You like it? You can learn all about it at this URL..." |
| I think Shahbaz tried to sell me a bumper sticker outside of Barnes & Noble the other day. Younas has obviously figgered out that the secret to success lies in becoming a Multi-Level Mullah. It's kinda like Amway, only with live ammo and no customer satisfaction guarantee. |
Posted by: Fred 2005-12-28 |
