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Today's Idiot
Captain America Arrested With Burrito In Pants

MELBOURNE, Fla. -- A Brevard County doctor dressed up in a Captain America outfit was arrested with a burrito in his tights. What he allegedly did at the police station got him into more trouble. On Saturday night, when a costume party full of medical professionals stopped at On Tap Cafe, police said [Raymond] Adamcik had a burrito stuffed below the waistband of his costume and was asking women if they want to touch it. When one refused, he allegedly took out the burrito and groped her.
All together now: Is that a burrito in your tights, or are you just glad to see me?
The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in their report "there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain America's were asked to go outside for a possible identification."
Will the dancing Captain Americas wait over there? We are only seeing the singing Captain Americas.
The woman pointed out Adamcik and the burrito was found in his boot.
Is this the burrito that attacked you, ma'am?
No, officer. That one had sour cream.
[OK, OK. Sorry! Sorry, everyone! Sorry.]

He was taken to the police station. There, while in a holding cell, police said, he asked to use the bathroom and tried to flush a joint, also hidden in his blue tights, down the toilet. "The officer observed him try to flush something into the toilet. He tried to flush it. The officer was able to reach inside and grab part of what he tried to flush," said Jill Frederiksen, Melbourne Police Department.
Here, you! What's that you've got? Let me see tha--ewwww!

More at the link. The Smoking Gun has mug shots and the police report. Here's a Google cache with a sober picture.
Posted by: Angie Schultz 2007-04-25
http://www.rantburg.com/poparticle.php?ID=186764