Top Priorities of Acting President Cheneys First 100 Minutes
While Bush undergoes a routine colonoscopy Saturday, he will transfer presidential powers to Dick Cheney. Here's a list of President Cheney's promises to the American people for his first 100 minutes.
Minute 1: Nuke Baghdad (I think they meant Tehran)
Minute 15: Eliminate the Department of Homeland Security and replace it with Jack Bauer
Minute 36: Tea with Karl Rove
Minute 51: Nuke North Korea
Minute 65: By executive order, allot Wyoming 3 more senators
and a baseball team
Minute 73: Send Joe and Valerie Wilson to Guantanamo
Minute 81: Change into Darth Vadar costume and conspire with the Prince of Darkness
Minute 90: Actually pardon Scooter Libby, because the last president wasnt cowboy enough to do it right the first time
Minute 93: Respectfully but resolutely assert importance of Halliburton
Minute 100: Hold press conference confirming the beliefs of Arianna Huffington and Kossacks nationwide that he is, in fact, evil
Posted by: Sherry 2007-07-20 |