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Mark Steyn: "I read the news today, oh boy!"
I went over to the Fox News story on Dan Rather's $70 million lawsuit and was laughing my head off over the charge that he was fired to "pacify the White House" when my eye fell on the right-hand column of current headlines. What a snapshot of the world. In order:
* Idaho Man Blames Wild Sex for Car Crash
* Man Declared Dead Awakens During Autopsy
* Court Revokes Britney Spears' Teen Role Model Career
* New Zealand Cops Discover Woman's Body in Car Belonging to Father of 3-Year-Old Abandoned Girl
* British Woman Divorces Son of Usama Bin Laden
* Questions Raised Whether Tasered Student Planned to Stage Incident at Kerry Forum
* Alicia Silverstone to Appear Nude in PETA Commercial
* O.J. Simpson Released From Jail After Posting $125K Bail in Armed Memorabilia Heist Case
* Iranian General: We Have Plans to Bomb Israel if They Attack Us
* Armless Man Will Not be Charged With Head-Butting Death of Ga. Man
* Meteorite Crash Causes "Mystery Illness" in Peru
* Milwaukee Nun, 79, Charged With Having Sexual Contact With Two Boys
* Youngest of 3 Sisters Allegedly Set on Fire by Mom Dies in Hospital
* Pop Tarts: Jamie Foxx's Fertile Fantasy: Impregnating Halle Berry
* Dan Rather Expected to Report Boeing 787 Unsafe
* Report: Jesse Jackson Says Barack Obama "Acting White" in Case of Six Blacks Accused in Assault Case
What I like about the list is the vague feeling that it's computer generated and would make no difference randomly reshuffled:
* New Zealand Cop Divorces Son Of Usama Bin Laden
* Alicia Silverstone Expected To Report Boeing 787 Unsafe
* Milwaukee Nun Will Not Be Charged With Head-Butting Death
* Report: Jesse Jackson Says OJ Simpson "Acting White"
* Dan Rather To Appear Nude In PETA Commercial
UPDATE: More fun with headlines courtesy of NRO readers:
* Armless Man Blames Wild Sex For Car Crash
* Dan Rather Awakens During Autopsy
Actually, Dan Rather improves almost any headline ("Dan Rather Causes 'Mystery Illness' In Peru", etc).
Try these on for size:
* New Zealand Cops Discover Britney Spears' Plans to Bomb Israel
* Meteorite Will Not be Charged With Impregnating Dan Rather
* If Jesse Jackson Appears Nude In PETA Commercial, Son of Usama Bin Laden Will Stage Incident at Kerry Forum
Add your own in the combox. The only rule is that your headline must be composed of words found in the list in the article above.
Posted by: Mike 2007-09-20 |
