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Rosie O'Donnell: "Bush almost killed me!!!!"
(Emphasis added.)
Isn't that what we do best at Rantburg?
President Bush almost killed me. It's true, and I have the scars to prove it -- multiple scars that are part of the public record -- you saw them in magazines and on my show, and you can see them on my blog frequently -- no twelve year wait required.

It was 2000, and the Republican National Convention was on television. The whole affair felt something like a home invasion, with a chronically smirking and arrogant George W. Bush as ringleader.
"I was trapped, helpless. I groped for the remote, but I could! Not! Change! The channel! (How did Karl Rove reprogram it? Was there nothing he couldn't do?) Desperate, I lunged for the power switch, but it was just out of reach. Damn you, Magnavox--damn you!"
Not wishing to be robbed of my optimism and hope at the time -- or to tumble into depression and despair -- I shut off the TV and decided to go fishing.
(Audience participation segment: as you read the next two paragraphs, bum the theme from Jaws: "Dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum DAAAA-DUMP! DAAAA-DUMP! Dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum . . .")
I needed gear, so I went to the store and bought a few things, including a knife, which I used to cut the price tags off of the fishing poles.
"Look out! She's got a knife!"
Now, I could have stabbed myself 100 times in the hand and not managed to do the damage I did with that one poke to the inside of my middle finger. I went all out, though, and got everything -- skin, ligaments, tendons, nerves.
(Cue Psycho violins.)
Maximum impact, including a particularly nasty staph infection that almost left me dead.
"The finger I needed to express my defiance of Chimpy McHitlerburton was rendered useless. Later that year, during the Florida hanging chad crisis, I couldn't flip him off when my country really needed me to make a rude public gesture. To this day, I wonder, might one simple 'F-U' have saved Al Gore's campaign, prevented 9/11, stopped global warming?"

That's my personal war story from the demoralizing Bush years, and probably a minor one . . . . Still, it hurt like hell, and the scars and swelling are there as a reminder. I was right to feel repulsed by Bush. . . .
"Oddly, though, I feel empowered by the experience. I want to shout my defiance! Is that all you got? You hear me, you jew-loving heteronormatative goose-stepping-neocon Texas oilman-death beast? Your Mossad assassins with their boobytrapped $9.98 Bass Pro Shops fishing knife couldn't take me down! I'm still here, I'm still a lesbian, and I'm still flippin' you off!"
Posted by: Mike 2008-02-05
http://www.rantburg.com/poparticle.php?ID=223922