Minas Tirith -- The Lord of the Nazgûl was reported “slain” Thursday March 15 at the Pelennor Fields just outside Minas Tirith. Witnesses say that Lady Éowyn of the Rohirrim “threatened” the chief of Sauron’s Nine Ringwraiths and “challenged” him. They say he “told” her that no living man may “hinder” him, at which point she “revealed” she was a woman. It is reported that she “slew” his mount and they “fought” until a Halfling, Meriadoc Brandybuck, “struck” at the Witch-King’s knee whereupon he “collapsed” and Éowyn “slew” him. Éowyn and Brandybuck were unavailable for comment; both are reported to be “badly wounded.”

Our embedded journalist Ilmendol reports that thousands of Rohirrim, Gondorians, and Rangers were slain, including King Théoden of Rohan, Lord Forlong of the Lossarnach, and Halbarad, “King” Aragorn’s standard-bearer. “This war is a quagmire,” Ilmendol said. “And what of those Halflings Faramir met at Henneth Annûn?”