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Vicar went to hospital with potato stuck in bottom
A vicar attended hospital with a potato stuck up his bottom - and claimed it got there after he fell on to the vegetable while naked. "You fell onto a potato while naked?" "Yes." "Raw or cooked?" "Raw." "White or red?" "White." The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table. "Hanging curtains, were you?" "Yes." "In your window?" "Yes." "With no clothes on?" "Yes." "And you fell?" "Yes. Backwards." "And you landed on the potato?" "Yes." "And the potato at that point entered your bunghole?" "Yes." "Longways or sideways?" "Longways." He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game. "You weren't playing a sex game?" "No, no! Certainly not!" The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people's backsides or genitals. "Another one, Dr. Bung!" "Put him over there with the coke bottle and the artillery shell." Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll -- and a carnation. "Red, pink or white?" Speaking of the vicar, A & E nurse Trudi Watson, of Sheffield's Northern General Hospital, said: "He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato. But it's not for me to question his story." "No matter how unlikely..." "He had to undergo surgery to have it removed." "Lard!... Shoehorn!... Pliers!" "Aaaaiiiieeee!" She advised anyone tempted to use such objects in sex games to think again. "It can be very dangerous and potentially life-threatening," she said. "If you get a potato stuck in there and it starts to sprout, it's curtains!" "Surgery can lead to infection, nasty scarring, and it could possibly end up with the person having to use a colostomy bag as a result." "You could be mistaken for an unsuccessful shaheed. Think of the harm to your reputation!" A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: "Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents. But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way." "And as soon as you're out of sight we laugh our asses off! Those of us who don't have potatoes in them, anyway!" Posted by: john frum 2008-11-02 |
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