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The Pirates of Puntland: Actually Pretty Cool
I come back from sick leave and theres a whole pile of wars in my in box, like one of those old office cartoons. Still got to write up the dustup in Gaza, and then theres the so-called final victory of the Sri Lankan Army over the LTTE. But for sentimental reasons Ive got to give first mention to my boyeez, the Somali pirates. This is what democracy looks like: the Somali pirates. This is what anti-globalization looks like when you do it for real, not like deadheads following the WTO from city to city, banker groupies in black masks and red armbands.Not only are the Somali pirates doin it for themselves, theyre like a spotlight on all the most interesting stories out there. Remember that Ukrainian freighter the pirates grabbed a few months ago? That freighter was veeeeeeery quietly carrying 33 Russian tanks and a few thousand AKs, with ammo, to Mombasa in Kenya. But it wasnt the Kenyans who wanted all those Russian tanks. It was the Sudan Peoples Liberation Movement, the gang that runs Southern Sudan right now, after using the Darfur distraction to force a ceasefire with those Arab hotheads in Khartoum. It seems the SPLM, a sensible bunch whove had years of experience in Khartoum treachery, decided that the best way to keep peace is to prepare for war. Not that that slogan means anything, actually. The best way to keep the peaceno such things. Too many variables. All those pundit-speak clichés are crap. You can find counterexamples to all of them. But knowing the sort of scum who rule Sudan, it just seems sensible to get as many tanks and aircraft as you can. In third-world vs. third-world wars like the one in Sudan, that sort of mid-price Soviet hardware works perfectly well. Its only when you go up against a first-world AF that it turns into scrap iron. And we owe all this cool dirt on how the Sudan wars going to our friends the Somali pirates. Nobody would have known that this ship was sending all those tanks to southern Sudan until they grabbed it. Thats what I mean when I say these guys are natural stars, born hams, scenery-chewers. Theyre not in it for the publicity, theyre strictly about the money, but they just cant help stealing the show. Like today: they officially handed back that Ukrainian freighter and collected their 3.2 million dollar ransom. But that wasnt enough: they did it in style. The pirates zoomed out to the drop zone in their little boats, right in view of two USN warships, collected their loot, counted itI love that part, that they actually counted out the money, which mustve weighed a few kilos, right under the guns of the worlds most expensive navythen waved goodbye and zoomed off home, to turn their booty into SUVs, satellite dishes and extra wives. I hear the price of virgins has zoomed in the most pirate-infested parts of Puntland since these multimillion dollar ransoms started pouring in. This is the golden age, in Puntland. And why shouldnt they have their little fun time? Its not like thereve been a lot of golden ages in Puntland. Its kind of hard to feel too sorry for the oil companies, Russian arms dealers, or other sleazy fat cats whose insurance is going up. Especially when you remember that these pirates used to be fisherman, never bothering anybody, until the Asian trawlers took advantage of the fact that Somalia has no authorities, no government, to scoop every last sand-dab out of the fishing grounds. If you saw that happen, and all you had left was guns and little boats, and you had to watch the wonderful parade of global commerce going by flipping you the bird for a few years, you might start thinking Jack-Sparrow thoughts your own self. Guys, this is why the Pirates of Puntland exist. I bolded it to make sure. They're not some sort of Bond-movie evil villians, as much as everyone around here likes to shout "hang them from the yardarm". There are no fish for them to catch because oceangoing trawlers from Taiwan cleaned out the sea (and I mean, did a great job at it, too). Pirates are some of the most democratic folks around, too. Its too good to last, of course. When the costs really start biting, well go inno use letting the Euros try to do it like were doing now, they dont have the will to pull the trigger any moreand well turn a few boats into floating splinters, and the good times will be over for Puntland. Too bad, too. Once the pirates are wiped out or chased back to their little burrows on the coast, people will start missing them and realizing how great they were, what goddamn heroes, actual reallife Robin Hoods they were. Thats how we do it in the big world: killem, then make movies about how great they were. Just ask the Sioux or the Highlanders. Yup. Anyway, go ahead and continue with the "die pirate scum, hang them from the yardarm" comments that usually populate this site. Posted by: gromky 2009-02-11 |
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