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Gridiron Report
Journalist Novak Pokes Fun at CIA Leak The serious news of the day -- from Saddam Husseinâs spider hole to Medicare to gay marriage -- served as fodder for song, dance and silly dress-up Saturday night in the Gridiron dinner, a 119-year tradition of Washington journalism. In the most unusual turn of this yearâs satirical script, syndicated columnist Robert Novak -- who sparked a federal investigation by printing the name of an undercover CIA officer -- was taking the stage as that CIA officerâs disgruntled husband, former ambassador Joseph Wilson. Dressed as Wilson in top hat and cutaway coat, Novak sings of himself: "Novak had a secret source ... so he outed a girl spy the way princes of darkness do. ... Now John Ashcroft asks Bob who and how, could be headed to the old hoosegow." Bush spoke at the first three Gridirons of his term, but skipped this yearâs show in favor of a summit at his Texas ranch with Mexican President Vicente Fox. These things must be really bad if he skipped it for Fox. Gridiron President Al Hunt, a columnist for The Wall Street Journal, spun that into a pun about conservativesâ fondness for Fox News Channel: "That pretty much sums up the White House philosophy: Why waste time with newspaper reporters when you can spend quality time with Fox?" Only seems like common sense. Vice President Dick Cheney agreed to take Bushâs place, appearing along with two New Yorkers considered possible contenders for the 2008 presidential race -- Democratic Sen. Hillary Clinton and Republican former Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Clinton took a good-natured jab at Giuliani, a potential adversary in some yet-to-be determined political contest. Alluding to the former New York City mayorâs old comb-over and his new emphasize-the-bald hairstyles, she noted that "in Washington the cover-up is always worse than the truth." She should know. Sheâs probably still looking for a good explanation for the mysterious discover of the Rose Law Firm billing records. She also claimed she had "heard Rudy has been asking if he can head the Republican vice presidential search committee." Cheney, who headed the vice presidential search team that resulted in his own selection, picked up the theme later as he pretended to be responding to press questions submitted on index cards. One purported question dealt with whether Cheney had any plans to step down from the GOP ticket in the fall. "No, I donât," he said, "and Rudy you need to do a better job of disguising your handwriting." Neither Clinton nor Giuliani did anything to quell speculation about their possible aspirations for the White House. For those who insist on looking into the future, Clinton offered this: "Let me say to all of you, my name is Hillary Clinton and the state of our union is strong." Dinnerâs on the keyboard. Probably easier to buy a new one. Giuliani, meanwhile, proclaimed: "Itâs silly to talk about elections in 2008. Itâs 2004." But as he spoke, a series of doctored photos appeared on a giant screen behind him showing Giulianiâs head superimposed on figures in a number of White House settings, including one "President Giuliani" in the Oval Office and another walking down the stairway of Air Force One. That makes the stomach feel better. He did have a compliment, sort of, for Clinton, noting that "weâre both lifelong Yankee fans." But he added that "she developed her loyalties in Chicago." Same place she learned her Accordingly, the humor relies heavily on outlandish costumes -- Ralph Nader as a skunk at the Democratsâ garden party; vegetarian presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich as a giant carrot; Bush adviser Karl Rove as Ozâs Scarecrow, singing about his boss, "If he only had MY brain." What is outlandish about Nader as a skunk? Seems about right. Kuchinich a carrot...What was Al Sharpton? A lesbian couple sings "Get us to the church on time." To the tune of "YMCA," a Sen. Edward Kennedy impersonator laments the passage of the GOPâs Medicare bill: "We were done in by the A-A-R-P." They had to get an impersonator because the real thing was on the floor by this point in the show. In one of many references to Iraq, Saddam Hussein pops out of his hiding place to sing not "Under the Boardwalk" but "Under the floormat, with all the fleas, yeah. But now a cot in a prison is where Iâll be." The "Hallelujah Chorus" becomes "Halliburton, Halliburton, Halli-i-burton." The showâs ending, however, is a more somber tribute to U.S. troops abroad. Posted by: Mr. Davis 2004-03-08 |
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