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Boffins isolate âblogging geneâ
Kinda entertaining! Comics have joked for ages that humans will eventually adapt to technology: growing nimbler thumbs for text messaging, or larger ears to compensate for poor signal reception. But in a remarkable breakthrough, scientists believe they have isolated the gene responsible for one specific kind of computer activity - and the race is on to commercialize it. Itâs an adaptive, emergent property - and is sure to ignite the Nature versus Nature debate once again. Biologists believe they have found the genetic adaptation responsible for âwebloggingâ. The discovery may take the form of what Stephen Jay Gould identified as a âspandrelâ a previous adaptation for which evolution had found no previous use. Such claims have been made before, and have a dubious history. Late Victorian England was convulsed by the sensation of the "Hemel Hempstead Three". Three men - two of them brothers - had all developed extremely long legs - and all were Penny Farthing enthusiasts. The story was later proved to be a hoax. "Itâs all about me-me" Professor Teilhard, who holds the Poindexter Chair of Physics at the University of Santa Feâs Department of Extropian Studies, says that weblogging performs a harmless social function. "Webloggers are born not made," he said. "And shouldnât be persecuted." The activity could be a positive, group-bonding social function such as grooming, or simply a harmless way of passing the time, such as masturbation. Microsoft has employed over 400 webloggers in the hope of producing the elusive breakthrough, but now the race is on to find a commercial use for the discovery. Or any sort of use. Teilhardâs breakthrough wasnât achieved overnight, and by interpreting some phenomena too literally, his team was led down several blind alleys. "We noticed the repeated occurance of the phrase âarse feedâ from one part of the sample," said the Professor. "Almost every member of the sample mentioned it once, but some members of the sample seemed to talk about nothing else." "We began to look for patterns - who was âarse feedingâ who. Was the âarse feedingâ bi-directional? There seemed to be no standard way of âarse feedingâ in the group - in fact we counted at least nine." "It was only after some months that we concluded that what they were talking about was âRSS Feedâ". For Teilhard, the breakthrough provides a vindication for his often-criticized methods after almost two decades of fruitless research. One fifteen-year experiment involved coating ants with invisible markers in the hope that the patterns could produce a text of basic English: such as an edition of Esther Dysonâs technology newsletter. GMT However, the breakthrough raises serious ethical concerns. Is it right for parents to choose whether or not their child will be a weblogger? Can eradication of the gene provide a biological cure for solipism? But of more immediate concern, big business and the weblog industry are already eyeing the commercial opportunities. Infrastructure owners see the development as a way of using the excess capacity that was built during the dotcom era. Since the Internet bubble burst, millions of terabytes of data pipes, and thousands of formerly-employed HTML coders have lain unused. Investors hope that in around twelve years, when the first generation of genetically-enhanced webloggers is tall enough to reach a keyboard, the industryâs demand worries may be over for good. Software developers in San Francisco have already trademarked what they describe as "Genetically Movable Type". The authors claim that while the free version, Movable Type, will continue, GMT will be packaged with specially formulated smart drugs to improve the webloggerâs output. But the inventors are anxious to prevent the development of a âblack marketâ in GMT smart drugs. But theyâre likely to encounter a hostile European Union. "Weâre not convinced about the safety of genetically-enhanced Smart Blogging," an EU spokesman has said. The European Parliament has already voted to introduce a censure motion limiting the spread of GMT. Such concerns donât seem to have dampened the jubilation of webloggers. "Teilhardâs breakthrough confirms that we are at the forefront of machine-human evolution," said one. Pressed for details, he replied, "I donât know what it means really. Itâs just a meme I felt compelled to transmit." ® Posted by: Phil B 2004-04-02 |
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