No lie: Kerryâs just a wannabe
For a year or so now, Iâve woken up to a ton of e-mails each morning with the subject marked BUSH LIED! -- or, to be more precise, BUSH LIED!!!!!!! Iâm not one who thinks it helpful to characterize a policy difference as a ââlie.ââ So, when John Kerry says he supports the Kyoto Treaty even though he voted for a bill that declared the United States would never ever ratify it, that doesnât mean heâs a ââliar,ââ it just means that, well, to be honest, I havenât a clue what it means, you better to take it up with him, now heâs out of the hospital after his elective surgery. ââElective surgery" means you vote to have the operation, and then spend the next year insisting youâve always been strongly opposed to the operation.
Anyway, as I said, I wouldnât call Sen. Kerry a liar. But I did get the vague feeling in the following exchange that, if it had gone on a minute or two longer, the candidateâs nose would have cracked my TV screen, extended across the coffee table and pinned me to the wall.
The time: last month; the place: MTV. The interviewer asks: ââWell, we know that you were into rock ânâ roll when you were in high school, and we know that you play the guitar now. Are there any trends out there in music, or even in popular culture in general, that have piqued your interest?ââ
ââOh sure. I follow and Iâm interested,ââ says John Kerry. ââIâm fascinated by rap and by hip-hop. I think thereâs a lot of poetry in it. Thereâs a lot of anger, a lot of social energy in it. And I think youâd better listen to it pretty carefully, âcause itâs important . . . Iâm still listening because I know that itâs a reflection of the street and itâs a reflection of life.ââ
Really? Youâre ââfascinatedââ by rap and ââlisteningââ to hip-hop? Youâre Americaâs first flip-flopper hip-hopper?
The best riposte to Kerry came from an encounter a few years ago between his predecessor Al Gore and Courtney Love, lead singer of the popular beat combo Hole, when they chanced to run into each other at a Democratic party night in Hollywood.
ââIâm a really big fan,ââ gushed the vice president.
ââYeah, right. Name a song,ââ scoffed Courtney. The panicked vice panderer floundered helplessly. Fortunately, his Secret Service guys moved in before he wound up completely riddled by Hole. As wise old campaign consultants always say, the politicianâs First Rule of Holes is: When youâre in one, stop digging. Al introduced us to a Second Rule: When youâre with one, stop pretending to dig her.
If only that MTV guy had said to Kerry, ââYeah, right. Name a song.ââ Think Kerry couldâve? Reckon if you bust into his pad and riffled through his and Teresaâs CD collection youâd find a single rap album? Of course, you wouldnât find any in George and Lauraâs CD collection either. The difference is that President Bush doesnât feel the need to pretend.
Margaret Thatcher didnât either. Interviewed by disc jockeys on London radio stations and invited to name her favorite pop song, sheâd choose the Beverly Sistersâ British cover version of ââHow Much Is That Doggie in the Window?ââ or the Australian didgeridoo virtuoso Rolf Harrisâ ââTwo Little Boys.ââ The title of ââHow Much Is That Doggie in the Window?ââ is the very definition of compassionate conservatism -- the vocalistâs compassion for the confined puppy shrewdly tempered by cost-benefit analysis. As for ââTwo Little Boys,ââ that was written in 1902 and seemed kinda hokey even then:Two Little Boys
Had two little toys
Each had a wooden horse
Gaily theyâd play
Each summerâs day
Warriors both of course To the old taunt ââBe there or be square,ââ Thatcher replies, ââGo ahead, punk/hip-hopper/techno-industrial-garage-house-wraparound-porch beatnik, make my day. Iâll be there and be square.ââ Thatâs much cooler than a 60-year old Botoxicated Brahmin from the U.S. Senate recycling a lot of 20-year-old cliches about rap being the authentic voice of the streets.
By comparison, hereâs Gov. Bush four years ago being given a ââverbal Rorschachââ test on American pop culture by Glamour magazine: What comes to mind, David France wanted to know, when you think of Madonna?
ââIâm not into pop music,ââ replied Bush.
Boy, that MTV special would have been a short one. Stunned by the candidateâs ignorance, Maureen Dowd, the New York Timesâ elderly schoolgirl, wrote a column mocking him for never having heard of ââSex and the City,ââ beginning as follows:ââW. may have gone too far this time.
ââAmericans can forgive him not knowing that Gen. Pervez Musharraf seized power in Pakistan.
ââBut can we forgive him not knowing that Sarah Jessica Parker quaffs Cosmopolitans in Manhattan?ââ Answer: Yes. Unlike Dowd, Americans are apparently willing to cut him some slack on this vital question. Some may even feel that his cheerful admission that ââIâm not into pop musicââ is the sign of a man secure in his sense of himself.
This isnât entirely a matter of trivialities. The fads and fashions of the world arenât confined to the Billboard Hot 100. All over the planet, men in late middle age are pretending to like stuff just âcause itâs what the likes of Maureen Dowd tell them people want to hear. John Kerry pretends to like gangsta rap. Russia pretends it supports the Kyoto Accord. The European Union pretends Yasser Arafat is committed to peace with Israel. The Security Council pretends its resolutions mean something. Kofi Annan pretends the Oil-for-Fraud program is a humanitarian aid effort for the Iraqi people. The International Atomic Energy Authority pretends the mullahs in Tehran are good-faith negotiators on the matter of Iranian nukes.
Itâs easy to pander to fashion -- whether on pop music, the environment, the Middle East ââpeace processââ or sentimental transnationalism. But on MTV, Kerry wasnât done yet. After coming out for hip-hop, he managed to blame the Bush administrationâs ââbehaviorââ for making terrorists become terrorists. I guess that terrorismâs just a ââreflection of the street,ââ too. Doubtless thereâs ââa lot of anger, a lot of social energy in it.ââ The MTV crowd loved the line, and no doubt Jacques Chirac and the Arab League will as well. Welcome to John Kerryâs hip-hop foreign policy: Ask the multilateral gang whatâs hip, and hop to it.
Posted by: tipper 2004-04-04 |