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Obama Couldn't Wait: His New Christmas Tree Tax
Update at 1430CT: Tax "delayed" and "revisited". Nice going, Fred, you hit 'em where they hurt!
[Heritage Foundation] President B.O.'s Agriculture Department today announced that it will impose a new 15-cent charge on all fresh Christmas trees--the Christmas Tree Tax--to support a new Federal program to improve the image and marketing of Christmas trees.
Most of us weren't aware that there was any problem with the image and marketing of Christmas trees. No doubt the federal government's involvement will somehow make the production and distribution of Christmas trees more efficient. And it's only 15 little pennies. The tax will no doubt remain at that level forever. But wait! There's more!
In the Federal Register of November 8, 2011, Acting Administrator of Agricultural Marketing David R. Shipman announced that the Secretary of Agriculture will appoint a Christmas Tree Promotion Board.
I was just saying to the Little Woman over my cornflakes the other day: "Y'know, Honey, with all the problems this country's facing now, what we really need is a Christmas Tree Control Board."
The purpose of the Board is to run a "program of promotion, research, evaluation, and information designed to strengthen the Christmas tree industry's position in the marketplace; maintain and expend existing markets for Christmas trees; and to carry out programs, plans, and projects designed to provide maximum benefits to the Christmas tree industry" (7 CFR 1214.46(n)).
Right. If you like the idea of government-run healthcare you're gonna love the idea of government-run Christmas trees. Or I guess they'll have to be "Holiday Trees." The Establishment Clause, y'know.

I'm not too sure how they're going to "expend" existing markets, but I'm sure the government could find a way to use the markets up. I guess it could be a typo and they mean they're gonna "expand" the markets, but that's a little more complicated. It implies that, with TSA-style efficiency, they're going to require people to buy trees, probably with inspectors to come to your home and look through your underwear drawer to make sure you have one. And it won't matter if you're Jewish or 7th Day Adventist or a pagan: you'll be required to have an officially inspected Government Christmas Holiday Tree displayed starting on the Second Saturday in December and staying up, damn your eyes, until Epiphany. And then it has to come down, because the day after Epiphany the post-holiday inspectors will be out making sure it's down, properly bagged, and waiting for the garby guys to come by to collect it.

And forget about leaving your lights up until July. That's over, buster!
And the program of "information" is to include efforts to "enhance the image of Christmas trees and the Christmas tree industry in the United States" (7 CFR 1214.10).
"Enhancing the image" of the Christmas Holiday Trees means you're gonna have to have a tree that's at least 48 inches tall - none of those pissy little miniature trees that don't have the proper holiday spirit to them, and forget about the artificials. You can't remember how the damned thing goes together anyway, so you're better off without it.

And the inspectors are going to be hard-eyed men and women, highly trained professionals, the products of a major facility to be constructed on the outskirts of Chicago on land graciously provided at a reasonable price by an Obama campaign donor. Woe betide the guy with a 47-inch tree, or Gawd forbid a 46-incher. And none of those plain vanilla white lights. To be properly festive - and nothing will enhance the image of Christmas Holiday trees like festive - they've gotta be mulicolored.

And they've gotta flash! No flashee no enhancee, like they say in Chinese. And blue and white aren't Christmas Holiday colors and we don't care if you are Jewish and you have dreedles or whatever the hell they're called!
Oh my. No doubt there are several linguistics academicians who could tell you exactly which region of the Yiddish speaking world pronounced it "dree'-dle" as opposed to "dray'-del" or the diminutive "dre'-del-leh' ". But while we wait, the thought comes to mind of flashing lights and epileptics, a recognized handicapped group. Not to mention allergies-- evergreen trees are one of the things commonly tested for, which means a skinny little kid with sad eyes is going to die of Christmas tree-induced asthma only a few hours after his responsible guardian brings it home... The report from the local television station will show the family was so busy trying to help him while they tried to call 911 that they never even started decorating the tree, and of course now they can't bear the thought of enjoying the beauty Little Timmy will see only from Heaven.
To pay for the new Federal Christmas Holiday tree image improvement and marketing program, the Department of Agriculture imposed a 15-cent fee on all sales of fresh Christmas trees by sellers of more than 500 trees per year (7 CFR 1214.52). And, of course, the Christmas tree sellers are free to pass along the 15-cent Federal fee to consumers who buy their Christmas trees.
We can rest assured that that piddlin' little 15 cents, barely noticeable in this age of the $6 cup of coffee, will remain a mere 15 cents forever and possibly ever. When has the government ever raised a tax? Certainly it'll never go over a buck. Or two.
Acting Administrator Shipman had the temerity to say the 15-cent mandatory Christmas tree fee "is not a tax nor does it yield revenue for the Federal government" (76 CFR 69102).
Just because the feds will throw you in jail for not filling out the proper forms and sending in as much money as you can lift doesn't mean it's a tax. And just because the old guy on the corner who sells Christmas Holiday trees while trying to keep his ancient nether regions warm around a fire in a 55-gallon drum sends a fair chunk of his profit margin to a rapacious government don't even think that the government's making a profit on the deal. Every nickle collected, every thin dime, has been spent before it's received in hiring properly vetted and qualified administrators and people to process the payments and to dispatch the inspectors, and the inspectors will likely have the whole program running in the red because they don't come cheap, y'know. And neither do good administrators.
The Federal government mandates that the Christmas Holiday tree sellers pay the 15-cents per tree, whether they want to or not.
But that only sounds like a tax. As Big Guido and Fat Tony would be happy to explain, it's better thought of as protection a contribution.
The Federal government directs that the revenue generated by the 15-cent fee goes to the Board appointed by the Secretary of Agriculture to carry out the Christmas tree program established by the Secretary of Agriculture.
And, we might add, staffed by his relatives, who could be making far more than their six-figure government salaries doing other things. We should be glad they're willing to pitch in the way they are.
Mr. President, that's a new 15-cent tax to pay for a Federal program to improve the image and marketing of Christmas trees.
Tut tut, my good man! You're sorely misinformed. Perhaps Big Guido and Fat Tony can help you witcher comprehension?
Nobody is saying President B.O. doesn't have authority to impose his new Christmas Tree Tax -- his Administration cites the Commodity Promotion, Research and Information Act of 1996.
... which, as every schoolboy knows, gives the President the right and the duty to levy taxes...
Just because the Obama Administration has the legal power to impose its Christmas Tree Tax doesn't mean it should do so.
Merely your opinion, Bub. The nation needs that 15-cent Christmas Holiday tree tax. Without the benign guidance of the Christmas Holiday Tree Promotion Board the entire industry is in danger of keeling over deader than Blanche of Castile and the Albigensians combined! Think of the number of jobs created or saved in the Christmas Holiday tree industry!That board is a patriotic duty, dammit!
The economy is barely growing and nine percent of the American people have no jobs. Is a new tax on Christmas trees the best President B.O. can do? And, by the way, the American Christmas tree has a great image that doesn't need any help from the government.
Your commentary ill becomes you, sir. Why, the way you describe it, you'd think President B.O. sat down with some of his pals in the White House one day and said "How can we gouge a few more bucks out of an unsuspecting public to piss away on some program that nobody wants or needs so we can get a few more supporters employed?" And this is the best they could come up with?... Oh. Wait. Maybe it did happen that way... Never mind.
And it's purely a coincidence of no importance that this will give the Feds another way to regulate Church, civic and scouting groups. Not to mention the small family businesses who grow and cut trees on their Appalachian mountain properties and bring them down to the DC suburbs, along with seasoned firewood, in the family pickup truck. Purely coincidental that this is another example of crony capitalism corruption at work. Pay it no mind.
It's crony socialism, and Obama's people are masters of it.

Posted by: Fred 2011-11-09
http://www.rantburg.com/poparticle.php?ID=333111