Pakistani stowaways arrive in Newark
Authorities stormed an arriving cargo ship believed to have Pakistani stowaways on board - some of which are reportedly dead.
It's a long trip, y'see, and Mahmoud suspected his Mom of having illicit relations with somebody who wasn't a close relative so he killed her. That was two days out from Karachi.
But then her cousin Chaudry had to take Dire Revenge™ for the murder of his kinswoman so he killed Mahmoud and Mahmoud's little brother Dildar.
Mahmoud's and Dildar's second cousin Ali, whom everybody in the shipping container suspected of being a Shiite because of his name, was just going for Chaudry with a box cutter when they called a jirga. That was on day four, so the stench was already pretty ripe.
Whilst the ship was being boarded by pirates in the Gulf of Aden the shipping container elders argued the merits of the case based on Islamic law. They finally decided to give Mahmoud's 4-year-old daughter, Fatima Bibi, to Ali in marriage, citing the appropriate passage from the Sura of the Cow, and everybody was if not friends then at least cohabitants of the shipping container. Everybody actually felt pretty good when the Danish navy showed up and arrested the pirates.
After that the voyage to Noo Joisey was actually uneventful except for a few acid splatters here and there and Ali grunting like a boar hog every time he mounted Fatima Bibi, which was three or four times a day.
The ship came in to New Jersey's Port Newark this morning to waiting Port Authority police, Customs Enforcement, Border Patrol and Coast Guard officials.
"Cheeze! What is that smell?"
"What's that grunting sound?"
"Is that the shipping container? The green one that looks like it has the corner rotted out by acid?"
Coast Guard spokesman Charles Rowe told NBC New York that crew members on the Ville D'Aquarius heard what sounds like people in a shipping container on the ship.
"Narcisso, what is that sound?"
"Which sound, Ramon?"
"There. That one!"
"You mean 'grunt-grunt' and then 'Oh, cousin-uncle!'"
"Yeah. That's the one."
"Dunno. I been hearing it since a few days after we left Karachi."
"Maybe we should call the Coast Guard!"
"Good idea. It may be ghosts."
"Bite your tongue!"
The ship's manifest said the container in question was carrying machine parts to be unloaded in Norfolk, Virginia.
"By Allen's Hennaed Beard! That Ali is like a machine!"
"He's gonna kill that girl like that."
"Eh. It's only a girl."
Rowe said the boarding party didn't open the container at sea in an effort to control the situation, following protocol.
"What's protocol call for in this kinda situation, Ramon?"
"I dunno. We can't very well knock and holler 'open up in there!'"
"It's locked from the outside."
"Oh. How about if we just bang on the wall and holler 'keep it down in there fergawdsake!"
Posted by: Fred 2012-06-27