"Red is just the start," said Solly Solinga, spokesperson for Zimbabwean Television, when I phoned him about the decision to ban that colour from the country’s TV screens because it symbolised the opposition Movement for Democratic Change party. "We have other colours in mind, too."

"But there is red in so many things," I argued. "You can’t simply ban it out of the spectrum."
Logic is also banned; didn’t you get the memo?

"We can do what we like with the spectrum, whatever that is," said Solly. "We are not bound by Western concepts (blame it on Whitey - Ed.). Besides, red also signifies other hateful things to our revered president. It is the colour of London buses, so beloved by our former colonial oppressors. There is also the red herring of human rights abuses, when everyone knows our people have never been happier. Worst of all is when our enemies claim our national finances are in the red, so envious are they of our favourite colour, black."
But red is the color of the blood that pours from the open wounds of your enemies, Bob, and the people you’re starving to death...