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De-Extincting The Wooly Mammoth - A Mammoth Mistake
Who needs a woolly mammoth?I ask this question because scientists with apparently nothing better to do are attempting to bring back the beast, which went extinct some 4,000 years ago, and thank God for that. The woolly creature's DNA has been sequenced, and things appear ripe for what is called "mammoth de-extinction." The Post's story about all this calls it a "small but ambitious field." I hope it is more the former than the latter. Why these scientists are not working in the larger and even more ambitious field of, say, cancer research is beyond me. Why anyone could choose to fund "mammoth de-extinction" instead of, say, a Little League team, is also beyond me. (Many things are beyond me.) I fear, though, that mammoths will be coming back. When that happens, a whole lot of very nice people will say that the creatures were here first and we should make way for them. They will be likened to wolves and bears and, of course, deer and they will be pronounced indigenous -- which is another word for virtuous. So, for instance, if a wolf kills a sheep, it is the sheep's fault for being a sheep and not native to the region. We all know this. In due course, we will be overrun by woolly mammoths. Like deer, they will be protected. They will tromp across our lawns and into our shrubbery, eating huge amounts of stuff -- whole trees and automobiles (even Cadillac Escalades) and maybe the occasional cottage. Anti-mammoth sprays will be developed, but they, of course, will not work. Eccentric people will appear on daytime TV shows with all sorts of smelly concoctions to ward off woolly mammoths. They will be cheered on by Oprah and interviewed on the "Today" show, maybe out on the plaza. This, too, is beyond me. Home Depot and others will sell mammoth fences. These will truly be mammoth and will be based on the fence that separates the United States from Mexico. Of course, the mammoth fence will work no better than the other fence, but that will be discovered only after several billion dollars are spent. Then someone will get the bright idea to de-extinct the Neanderthal as the only way to control the woolly mammoth population. These rather hairy and well-muscled individuals will be provided with spears (also Club for Growth memberships) and sent out at night to hunt the woolly mammoth. (A "60 Minutes" crew will accompany them, and Bill O'Reilly will lie about accompanying the "60 Minutes" crew.) None of this is necessary. If scientists with time on their hands want to de-extinct something, why not bring back the unicorn -- surely it once existed -- or the fire-breathing dragon, which would delight kids? Or, better yet, why don't they develop a single remote control for the TV? Just askin'. Posted by: gorb 2015-04-26 |
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