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Today's Idiot and Darwin Award Nominee
 A zoo keeper was killed this morning in the alligator enclosure of the Naples Zoo, while he was attempting to sexually assault a 12 foot long reptile.YJCMTSU. According to Captain "Superman, save me!" "Sorry, Jimmy. This time you're on your own." The young man was caught by the throat by the alligator, who dragged him underwater and drowned him. Just doing what any father would do if he saw his daughter getting raped. Grab him by the throat, spin him around in the water a few times, and jam his carcass under a tree or something under the water. Jimmy Olsen's death took place around 6:00 AM this morning, but his disappearance was noticed only an hour later by other employees. They finally discovered his dismembered body floating in the pool of the alligator enclosure around 8:30. "Where are his . . . pants. Eww." "The images captured by the security cameras show that Mr Olsen had clearly placed himself in a very vulnerable position," Captain White told reporters. "He had his pants around his knees and was lying down on top of one the animals, with his back to the others. The poor guy didn't stand a chance! We can see him being dragged in the water, then he disappears from sight. He was probably dead within thirty seconds of the attack." Somehow, I don't think that's going to make Jimmy's parents feel much better. Jimmy Olsen had been working with the reptiles at Naples Zoo for the last two years, and was considered a reptile specialist. He was killed, by a 24-foot long male alligator named Brutus while he was engaged in sexual intercourse with one of the smaller specimens. Although Mr. Olsen is the first zoo worker to die while having sexual intercourse with an animal, he is not the first one to be implicated in an incident implicating bestiality. Sorry, Jimmy. Looks like you'll have to with just the Darwin Award. Although you might get honorable mention considering it was an alligator, after all. In 2002, three employees of the Columbus zoo were condemned, after it was revealed that the zookeepers allowed people into the zoo after business hours for the purpose of copulation with the animals. They had quite the brisk business going. Until the IRS came in and shut them down for not paying their taxes. A comely young 'gator named Brock, Did cause young Jimmy to gawk. He found himself smitten, But by Dad he was bitten, And then stuffed under a rock. Posted by: gorb 2016-03-15 |
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