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Intellectual Enough To Be Brutally Murdered By Fascists
Via Gerard Van der Leun Apparently I got taken in by some satire. My bad. I don’t mean to sound conceited, No, no, certainly not! but my obvious mental acuity Thanks for explaining that, Herr Adjunct... makes me an easy target for some autocratic tyrant’s curb-stomping goon squad. The tyrant Obama is gone What I’m saying is if a ruthless dictator were to strong-arm his way into the White House and decree that intellectuals be exterminated lest they pose a threat to the ruling fascist regime, I would, like, totally be murdered. I mean look at me! I’m an adjunct professor at Florida State University! Your understanding of the role of a Constitutionally elected American president is staggering. And it's clear why FSU is better known for its football and synchronized swimming teams... Professor of what? Does it involve math?  Sure, technically I’m a part-time lecturer and not a professor, but seeing as how no one in my family gets that, a roving gang of far-right street thugs won’t request my full job title and last pay stub before bashing in my skull with a mini-bat.The only "roving gang of far-right street thugs" in America are those hired by democrats in the 2016 general election to break up political rallies, or criminal gangs. You seem to have either forgotten that, or ignored it. The thugs in American political life in the last eight years have come from the left. The only brutality shown has been from the left whenever they have tried to pin it on the right. So what if my brother-in-law the auto mechanic can afford to take his family on vacation and doesn’t have to subsist on day-old bread for the summer? I bet a fascist will never try to crush his windpipe. Your brother in law produces for the economy and enjoys the fruits of his labors as he should. Besides, he is likely a tough hombre who is armed. When you think about it, I might be the only one intellectual enough at FSU to pose a real threat to an autocratic administration. I’m certainly the most murderable person on this campus. Way more murderable than my goody two-shoed colleague, Jennifer. So, you're an iconoclast in your own mind. No one gives a f*ck. In a sense, I can understand why they would want to kill me. Boring people are killed all the time, at least in the minds of others... Not for their politix, but because they're stultifying. The fascists likely would have a dossier of my many pointed comments on The Atlantic’s website, or they would dig up a receipt from my recent $32 contribution to the ACLU as evidence that I am a cerebral force of powerful dissent and must be neutralized. Or maybe they’d murder me just because of my sharp-looking, clear-framed eyewear. Until this moment, I never realized what it meant to read something and to become dumber for the experience. What comes before hubris?  It’s easy to imagine how the fascists would come for me. Jackbooted stormtroopers would descend upon the university, scanning the student body for the best and brightest FSU has to offer, only to find yours truly as worthy of their ire. Nah, I think you're safe from the brownshirts and snowflakes. Unless you quote Foucault incorrectly... They’d probably look right past Jennifer even though she was recently asked by the university to come on full-time. Instead they’d track me down in my office of the main campus in a basement of the engineering building annex. The Department of Deconstructionist Engineering? Or if it’s a Monday, Tuesday, or Friday evening, the on-campus Starbucks where I sometimes hold office hours. Then they’d pluck me out of the crowd and pound my smart face and brain into ground chuck before hauling me away to a black site prison. You should be beaten for the abject vapidity of this missive. The fascist’s would choose ME! I mean, wow! Wouldn’t it be truly something? Something would be a persecution complex that is common to all leftists.  Is it just me, or is he not huddling in the closet of his basement office being really, really scared Horst Wessel is looking for him?I mean, scary. Yeah, of course — it would be a scary vision of the possible future of America. Not even close to the American future. Only if the progressives win do the adjuncts go to prison... All I’m saying is, if fascists wanted to kill us intellectuals, I don’t think Jennifer would have to worry. She doesn’t even wear glasses! Anyway, getting back to that horrifying vision — the fascists would probably scream something like, “You look like you should hold a tenure-track position. Come with us!” Or, “If only the FSU employment search committee could see you now!” Maybe they would say it loud enough for everyone to hear. Who knows? This individual teaches other adults. And writes articles that are supposed to be humorous, but instead exposes how utterly immoral the writer really is. He's reminding me more of Eichmann and the banality of evil... Then I’d be dragged through the quad as onlookers, possibly including Little Miss Full-Time Faculty, stood powerless to do anything other than silently agree that I am their intellectual superior. Get help, or start drinking. Heavily. Ever think there was a reason why Jennifer was promoted instead of you, pal? Perhaps she both speaks and writes in complete sentences? I wonder if I’m smart enough to be buried alive in an unmarked grave? I wonder if your peers are wishing it had already been done... Maybe they’d even tie a rope to my feet and drag my corpse through the street as a warning to agitators! Everyone would see it, even my brother-in-law. “That guy must have been way smart to get all this! I guess he wasn’t a loser, after all.” he’d say. Alternately, perhaps he'd be free to start arranging dates for his sister, your widow... It’d be awful, of course. Being murdered, I mean. That part would be awful. But man oh man, what a ride it’d be! If this isn't satire it should be. Posted by: badanov 2017-03-21 |
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