(2005-03-09) -- Inspired by reporters' suggestions that newly-democratized nations could pose a threat to America, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice late yesterday announced at a news conference that she would begin a tour of truly democratic nations that threaten the United States.

The New York Times, Washington Post and many others in the mainstream media have recently raised the specter that newly-freed Arab nations could become what experts call 'hostile democracies', despite President George Bush's claim that "...the advance of democracy leads to peace, because governments that respect the rights of their people also respect the rights of their neighbors."

Secretary Rice told reporters, "My daring whirlwind tour of hostile democracies will include stops in...well...let's see...democratic nations that threaten the U.S.....hmmm...uh, I'll tell you what -- my staff will work on that itinerary and get copies to the State Department press corps as soon as possible. You just wait right here."

The Secretary of State then left the briefing room and has not yet returned despite the patient vigil kept by professional journalists eager to see the itinerary.