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The Bee: CIA Replaces Waterboarding With 12-Hour Lectures On Intersectional Feminism
WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to anonymous sources, the CIA has replaced enhanced interrogation techniques such as waterboarding with something even more torturous and effective: 12-hour academic lectures on intersectional feminism. "Waterboarding has been shown to be very effective," said the anonymous source. "But that's been replaced now. Now we just pop in a tape of Robin DiAngelo, Stacey Abrams, or Joy Behar. Sometimes we'll really ramp things up and make them watch Coca-Cola's diversity training on a 12-hour loop." Terror suspects will be subjected to lengthy lectures about cis-male privilege, heteronormative patriarchy, and microaggressive mansplaining. Sources say these lectures are 1,282% more effective than regular old waterboarding. Critics have criticized the new interrogation method, saying that such cruel torture should be limited only to American universities. Posted by: badanov 2021-06-01 |
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