No arrests have been reported.
"Le Gume, if I'm not mistaken, it's the Mad Buttock Shooters again!"
"Inspector! How do you do it?"
The attack came less than 24 hours after another mass shooting in Austin left a man dead and three others
maimed. A police
front man couldn't say whether the shootings were connected.
"Well, sure we got 78 people shot in the ass, but that don't mean it's the same people doin' it!"
The earlier shooting happened about 11:55 p.m. Friday in the 700 block of North Lockwood Avenue, where police said the four men were standing when three people approached and opened fire.
BANG! BANG! BANGETTY BANG!
"Aaaiiieee! My buttock!"
Over the last five years, Chicago has recorded the most mass shootings in the nation by far, according to data compiled by the Gun Violence Archive.
"You know, the Bears ain't been so hot recently. They gotta do somethin' for entertainment."
So far this year, Chicago has recorded at least 33 shootings that have
maimed four or more victims, according to a Sun-Times analysis of city data. The city is now on pace to surpass the 48 total mass shootings tallied last year, when that number jumped amid a surge in
violent mostly peaceful crime that has continued this year.
"Shooting each other is an old Wakandan tradition. Dates from back before they had abortion clinics. It's population control, basically. Weeds out the slow movers."
Saturday's shooting is the fourth this year in the Austin police district and the third reported within the same beat, records maintained by the Sun-Times show.
"Hmmm... The third on the same beat? And all shot in the ass?"
"Well, they did hit one in the lower back."
"Damn. There goes that theory."
As part of the city's summer safety plan, Mayor
Lori Lightfoot
...the diminutive and vacuous Heronner da Mare of Chicago. When the corpse count rises she blames the guns, which are banned anyway. A racist to the bone, Lori sez that people with the same skin tone all think alike, not quite getting the implications for a city with a population less than thirty percent black...
's administration identified 15 "priority community areas" to deploy extra police resources. Austin topped the list because it had the highest number of shootings and homicides between 2018 and 2020.
"We're number one! We're number one!"
While eight of those areas have seen higher or similar rates of
violent mostly peaceful crime, Austin and six others have experienced a drop off from last year.
Eventually they run out of buttocks.
Austin has seen the greatest decrease in the total number of shootings from last year, according to Sun-Times records. But the neighborhood has still experienced a nearly 18% increase in shooting and homicides compared to 2019.