"Salaam aleikum, ladies and germs. I just flew in from the Gulf and, boy, are my arms tired... My feet are tired, too. I had to cross the Iraqi no-fly zone... My third wife was stopped on the way home from the beauty parlor by the religious police because she dropped her veil. They flogged the staff of the beauty shop... My cousin, Hassan? The one who couldn't get a job? He finally found work. He plays the antiaircraft gun in an Afghan wedding band... We had my cousin Ahmed over the other night. He ate all the goat we had. He leans back and he sez, 'Boy! If I eat another bite, I'm gonna explode.' We called out for more goat and sent him to a disco in Tel Aviv... I know you're out there, I can hear you breathing. Maybe I can't. Is it a gas attack?..."