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Express yourself...
Chris Johnson, at Midwest Conservative Fiskatorium Journal, addresses the latest utterances from Stalinists with Pulpits the World Council of Churches. The results are masterful, and if they paid any attention to what real people thought of them they'd go out of business. But they won't, because they'd have to find real jobs, and they don't think they'd look good in paper hats.
Before you go, take time for a quick lesson in Liberal expressions.
"Liberal", with apologies to Dr Weevil, comes from the proto-Hittite word liberawu, meaning "would you like some of this guy's money?" (I am not aware of any evidence that this is indeed the case, but a complete investigation might discover it to be so.) Liberals are only allowed to have four facial expressions:- Benevolence: Reserved for handing out checks and sometimes for asking for donations. Smile. You're on camera.
- Indignation: Used when discussing war, the environment, lead paint, Republicans, the oil industry, the pharmaceuticals industry, strip mining, the Boy Scouts, pizza deliveries to bad neighborhoods... Lower your brow and pull your lips back to show as many molars as you can.
- Concern: Used when discussing war, the environment, etc., as above, but with the addition of The Childrenâ¢. To be concerned, furrow your brow, keep your lips together and stare either to one side or at your belly button.
- Alarm: Raise your eyebrows, form your mouth into an "O", form a fist with one hand, and bite down on a knuckle.
Got all that? Don't forget to apply your expressions as you read... Oh, and one other thing: be careful not to bump into anything or listen to anything, uh... illiberal; you'll bruise. Liberals are very sensitive, y'know?
Posted by: Fred Pruitt 2002-09-04 |
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