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| Those 72 virgins... |
| 2002-03-20 |
As a minor point, we understand that the Koran actually says that everybody in Paradise gets attended by dark-eyed damsels, with no mention of the number or of special treatment for boomers. The number 72 comes from the hadith (traditions), not from The Book. Now, me, if you wanted me to go "boom!" and you promised me a reward for all eternity, I'd want it in writing, signed and notarized. With a seal. You ain't puttin' one over on me, Mahmud. But even then I wouldn't go. 72 virgins? Y'mean, like flat-chested 12-year-olds? Doe-eyed maidens? C'mon. If I was a Muslim, I'd hold out for wenches. That's right. Give me instead 72 grown women, in the full bloom of womanly (not girlish) beauty. Keep the unskilled amateurs until they know what they're doing. Real Paradise would feature women with a level of experience way beyond fumbling in the bushes down by the elementary school. Women with bosoms and hips. Tall ones, short ones, plump ones, skinny ones, redheads, blondes, brunettes, pale as pearls, olive-skinned, golden, even black as my hat. And talents. They've got to have talents. Otherwise, what're you gonna do the other 23.5 hours in the day for all the days of eternity, after you put your pants back on? Besides the obvious talents (a dream on the trapeze, maybe even double-jointed), I'd like my wenches to be able to do other things, things that are important: sing, play the banjo, go bowling, drink beer, crack jokes, fry up a mess of gourmets, dance, wear funny hats, stand on their heads, ride a celestial bike, hold while I hammered, fish, and talk about "mutual interests," whatever they may be in Paradise. Nope. If I couldn't have wenches, I wouldn't go. Just a mathematical question, but what how would any one of them have to mess up here earthside to deserve having to put up with 71 other wenches and one of us? Would that be the Islamic form of purgatory for wives who ignored their husbands or something? The one thing I would want is some ethereal wench [let alone virgin] whose sole experience was dealing with me. If that was the case, I'd not worry about the next day, I'd worry about keeping up the conversation for the rest of eternity... "the one thing I WOULDN'T want..." Every man's dream, every man's nightmare. |
| Posted by:Fred Pruitt |