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| India-Pakistan | |||
| Monkeys Terrorize India Workers, Tourists | |||
| 2003-11-03 | |||
| (okay, this may be a little off-subject but damn funny) In a capital city where cows roam the streets and elephants plod along in the bus lanes, it’s no surprise to find government buildings overrun with monkeys. (it’s no surpise in the U.S. either) But the officials who work there are fed up. They’ve been bitten, robbed and otherwise tormented by monkeys that ransack files, bring down power lines, screech at visitors and bang on office windows. The Supreme Court has stepped in, decreeing that New Delhi should be a monkey-free city after citizens filed a lawsuit demanding protection from the animals. Easier said than done. A past initiative to scare off the army of Rhesus macaques with ultrahigh frequency loudspeakers didn’t work. A plan to deport them to distant regions has stalled because local governments refused to have them. There’s an ape patrol of fierce-looking primates called langurs, led about on leashes by keepers. But whenever a langur looms, the pink-faced, two-foot-tall hooligans simply move elsewhere on government grounds. (kind of like pan-handlers) "Please do not feed the monkeys," implores a sign at Raisina Hill, the complex of colonnaded buildings that includes the president’s residence, Parliament, and Cabinet offices. To no avail. Hindus believe that monkeys are manifestations of the monkey god, Hanuman, and worshippers come to Raisina Hill every Tuesday handing out bananas. Last year the monkeys made their presence felt by hanging from window ledges and screeching at reporters arriving for a news conference with visiting U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. (I didn’t know A.N.S.W.E.R. had a New Delhi Chapter.)
(my father-in-law would’ve wanted it that way) Gandhi, an animal rights advocate, has already managed to halt a New Delhi program to spay and neuter stray dogs, saying it was cruel. ‘Like people, cows, and disease, we don’t have enough stray dogs in India. ’ She claims that captured macaques, despite their holiness to Hindus, have been given to laboratories for experimentation or have died in their holding area cages. They were "relocated to monkey heaven," she said. I swear I didn’t make any of this shit up. LMFAO!! Atul K. Gupta, of the Wildlife Institute of India, says macaques belong in forests, but deforestation and human settlement are driving them into cities in search of food. Macaques are crafty pickpockets, know how to open refrigerators, and brazenly snatch lunch pails from government workers, he said. "They have learned the tricks of finding food in an urban environment." The answer, he said, is to save the forests. Otherwise, he says, "the problem will get worse." In other words the Indians need to learn about this thing called birth control and quit having more kids then their environment or economy can support.
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| Posted by:Jarhead |
| #7 I don't think monkey skin hats would ever catch on, but does everyone remember the physics lab where the instructor induces static electricity by rubbing a glass rod with an animal fur ... |
| Posted by: Super Hose 2003-11-3 5:14:06 PM |
| #6 Start issuing short clubs and recipies for Macaque Burgers. |
| Posted by: mojo 2003-11-3 3:57:24 PM |
| #5 Sounds like PALEOS with tails... ________________________________borgboy |
| Posted by: borgboy 2003-11-3 2:24:20 PM |
| #4 watched "28 Days Later" on DVD this weekend - Don't touch the monkeys.... |
| Posted by: Frank G 2003-11-3 1:14:32 PM |
| #3 SH.... Okay we got the monkeys now we need terminals & time. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2003-11-3 12:48:07 PM |
| #2 Don't shoot any monkey's, though. and certainly none of them should be spanked. Give them internet access. I've heard that one may be working on sonnets. They've got to be better than Ludicrus. |
| Posted by: Super Hose 2003-11-3 12:00:00 PM |
| #1 Use the city dump as monkey flypaper. Don't be cruel, though, give the monkies tentnus shots on a volunteer basis. |
| Posted by: Super Hose 2003-11-3 11:29:14 AM |