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Fifth Column
Ted Rall; idiotarian
2003-11-12
Iraq From the Other Side
By UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE/TED RALL
Dear Recruit:
Thank you for joining the Iraqi resistance forces. You have been issued an AK-47 rifle, rocket-propelled grenade launcher and an address where you can pick up supplies of bombs and remote-controlled mines. Please let your cell leader know if you require additional materiel for use against the Americans.
Make sure you have filled out the form with the name and address of your next of kin, whether you want any remaining body parts donated, and your advance directive (whether to keep you on life support should be lapse into a vegetative state).
You are joining a broad and diverse coalition dedicated to one principle: Iraq for Iraqis. Our leaders include generals of President Saddam Hussein’s secular government as well as fundamentalist Islamists. We are Sunni and Shia, Iraqi and foreign, Arab and Kurdish. Though we differ on what kind of future our country should have after liberation and many of us suffered under Saddam, we are fighting side by side because there is no dignity under the brutal and oppressive jackboot of the U.S. Coalition Provisional Authority or their Vichyite lapdogs on the Governing Council, headed by embezzler Ahmed Chalabi.
"AHHH! FY LIFS!"
Since you are a Muslim, you are already well aware of the fact that your dignity is much more important than any concrete accomplishment. Think of your dignity when your are facing enemy fire and you want to wet yourself.
Because we destroyed our weapons of mass destruction, we were unable to defend ourselves against the American invasion. This was their plan all along. Now our only option is guerilla warfare: we must kill as many Americans as possible at a minimum risk to ourselves.
You may rest assured that in the unlikely event of your demise, you will be attended for all eternity by 72 doe-eyed damsels. In the slightly more likely event that you are horribly maimed, 36 doe-eyes earthly damsels are standing by to attend to changing your colostomy bag for the remainder of your days.
As the Afghan resistance to the Soviets and the Americans’ own revolution against our former colonial masters the British have proven, it will only be a matter of time before the U.S. occupation forces become demoralized. As casualties and expenditures rise, the costs will outweigh the economic and political benefits of occupation. Soon the American public will note that the anticipated five-year price tag of $500 billion, with a probable loss of some 4,000 lives and 10,000 wounded, is not a reasonable price to pay to get our 2.5 million barrels of oil flowing to the West each month. This net increase, of just 0.23 percent of total OPEC production, will not reduce U.S. gasoline prices. At an average of 35 attacks each day, an hour does not pass without an American soldier coming under fire somewhere in Iraq. Ultimately the American public will pressure their leaders to withdraw their harried troops from our country.
Asshat!
It is inevitable. Our goal is to make that day come sooner rather than later.
"Yeah! Go Islamofascism!"
It is no easy thing to shoot or blow up young men and women because they wear American uniforms. Indeed, the soldiers are themselves oppressed members of America’s vast underclass. Many don’t want to be here; joining America’s mercenary army is the only way they can afford to attend university. Others, because they are poor and uneducated, do not understand that they are being used as pawns in Dick Cheney’s cynical oil war.
It’s not an oil war you beauzeau!
Unfortunately, we can’t help these innocent U.S. soldiers. They are victims, like ourselves, of the bandits in Washington. Nor can we disabuse them of the propaganda that an occupier isn’t always an oppressor. We regret their deaths, but we must continue to kill them until the last one has gone home to America.
They, in their turn, will continue to kill and maim us, meaning you, unless something terrible goes wrong like it did for Uday and Qusay.
In recent months we have opened a second front, against such non-governmental organizations as the United Nations and Red Crescent. A typical response of the Bush junta to these actions was issued by National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice: "It is unfortunate in the extreme that the terrorists decided to go after innocent aid workers and people who were just trying to help the Iraqi people." Do not listen to her. True, many aid workers are well intentioned. However, their presence under American military occupation tacitly endorses the invasion and subsequent colonization of Iraq. Their efforts to restore "normalcy" deceives weak-willed Iraqi civilians and international observers into the mistaken belief that the Americans are popular here. There can be no normalcy, or peace, until the invader is driven from our land. From the psychological warfare standpoint, the NGOs represent an even more insidious threat to fight for sovereignty than the U.S. army.
That last is an equivocation.
In this vein we must also take action against our own Iraqi citizens who choose to collaborate with the enemy. Bush wants to put an "Iraqi face" on the occupation. If we allow the Americans to corrupt our friends and neighbors by turning them into puppet policemen and sellouts, our independence will be lost forever.
Therefore we must kill them.
If someone you know is considering taking a job with the Americans, tell him that he is engaging in treason and encourage him to seek honest work instead. If he refuses, you must kill him as a warning to other weak-minded individuals.
"Hey Mahmoud! Are all people equal?"
"Yes."
"Eat hot lead, friend of the Merkins!" [Budda! Budda]!
Take to heart this warning of Cuban idiotarian revolutionary Ché Guevara: "The guerrilla fighter needs full help from the people of the area. This is an indispensable condition. This is clearly seen by considering the case of bandit gangs that operate in a region. They have all the characteristics of a guerrilla army: homogeneity, respect for the leader, valor, knowledge of the ground, and, often, even good understanding of the tactics to be employed. The only thing missing is support of the people; and, inevitably, these gangs are captured and exterminated by the public force." If the Americans are right about us, and we enjoy no popular support, we deserve to be annihilated. Fortunately, the U.S. has adopted Israeli-style retaliatory bombing, cordoning off whole villages and other tactics that are turning civilian fence-sitters to our point of view.
And others away from it.
To victory for tyranny!
Posted by:Atrus

#7  nope. old Ted's a pussy-boy. A pussy boy more concerned with plants and animals than 100s of 1000s of raped, gassed and slaughtered Iraqis.
Posted by: alaskasoldier   2003-11-13 10:46:45 PM  

#6  Guess that means you will be leaving to join the fight soon, right Ted? ....Ted? (chirp, chirp, chirp)
Posted by: War46   2003-11-12 10:23:03 PM  

#5  "Dear Recruit:

Thank you for joining the American resistance forces. You have been issued an illegal bolt-action rifle, a drum of improvised explosive material and an address where you can pick up supplies of ammunition and fuses. Please let your cell leader know if you require additional materiel for use against the authoritarian left.

You are joining a broad and diverse coalition dedicated to one principle: freedom for America. Our leaders include generals of President Bush's secular government as well as fundamentalist Christians.

We are Christian and Jew and atheist, white and black, Anglo and Hispanic, native and immigrant, Democrat and Republican. Though we differ on what kind of future our country should have after liberation and many of us resented Bush, we are fighting side by side because there is no dignity under the brutal and oppressive jackboot of the People's Coalition Provisional Authority headed by the terror-apologist and traitor, Ramsey Clark; or their Vichyite lapdogs in the media, the academic community, and the elitist corporate foundations.

Because we destroyed our weapons of mass destruction after the disputed election and the Green Revolution of 2004, we were unable to defend ourselves against Iranian nuclear terrorism.
This was the Left's plan all along.
Now our only option is guerilla warfare: we must kill as many Leftists as possible at a minimum risk to ourselves."
Posted by: Atomic Conspiracy   2003-11-12 10:14:09 PM  

#4  I can't believe Rall is still around, haven't heard from him in quite awhile. No suprise that he is still a turd.
Posted by: Ralltard   2003-11-12 8:19:38 PM  

#3  I'm more than willing to post the money for his plane ticket to Tikrit. Please live out your dream, because you're a brave man Ted I know you're a man of action, not just words. Make the lives of those poor Iraqi people better by joining the glorious fight.

allahu snackbar you carbuncle
Posted by: Brainiac   2003-11-12 5:48:40 PM  

#2  I can't believe this guy. It's a shame we aren't evil enough for him to put on a tablecloth and pick up an AK. I guess even the islamofascists need press agents.
Posted by: Anonymous   2003-11-12 4:59:52 PM  

#1  Rall is still around?! Ignore, don't feed the troll.
Posted by: Tokyo Taro   2003-11-12 4:56:29 PM  

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