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| world worst pet story |
| 2004-03-01 |
| There was a cow named Lola in the office of Dr. Perry Smith. The doctor was a veterinarian, after all, and the cow was not fully grown. But she was a cow. this in very educating! Lola grazed peaceably on some fax paper until nurse Maryann Iturralde distracted her with some Honey Nut Cheerios. Lola sniffed but did not eat. that doesnt say much for cheerios. ’’Is your tummy full?’’ Iturralde coaxed. ``Is it full?’’ fax paper not very filling. Perhaps it was. Lola made a deposit, hugely and shamelessly, on the tile floor. Then she walked off in the direction of the dog pens. accidents happen. ’’Oh Lord,’’ Iturralde said and grabbed the Wet Naps. better use two. Lola has lived at the Trail Animal Clinic in West Miami since the day after Thanksgiving. She arrived early that morning, scrawny and bewildered, in the back of Smith’s big gray pickup. ’’She didn’t bond with her mother,’’ Smith said. ``Normally, they’re nursing from the mother for six months, learning to eat grass. She’d probably have starved to death if we’d left her on the ranch.’’ see what happen when baby dont breast feed! She was a calf then, 4 days old and not more than 60 pounds. She was Smith’s. He keeps a ranch outside of Palatka, land that’s been in his family for years. Smith is a severe man, tall and stooped, with American Gothic looks. He worked at a feedlot to pay for college and veterinary school, milking and slaughtering from the time he was a boy, and archives his copies of the Florida Cattleman Journal. The man knows cows. ’’A calf will put on 2, 3 pounds a day,’’ he said. Lola weighs 172 pounds. guess how old that make her. ’’She’s still got to learn to eat grass,’’ Smith said. ``Then she goes back to the ranch.’’ maybe if you stop feed her fax paper she will! sheeesh! Lola walked back through an examination room, down the hall and back into the office. She scratched her chin on the computer keyboard and billing files flashed across the screen. ’’Lola!’’ Iturralde said. ``Lie down! Go lie down on your bed!’’ now that pamperin! and no this aint in italian. The nurses had fixed a nest of pink and blue blankets on the floor next to the computer, and Lola laid down, heavily. She closed her eyes and her eyelids began to twitch. dreaming sweet cow dream. She is attractive, as cows go, caramel-colored with dark haunches and a white ’’T’’ on her forehead. She is svelte, with a glossy coat and a gentle face. Her ears are enormous and floppy. if you go to link you can see how cute lola is! id put little bow on her head. She may not be a cow genius but if she has not progressed as Smith would like on the grazing front, the fault is surely not hers. there no such thing as bad cow just bad owner Nurses bottle-feed her a gallon of milk every morning. She gets treats like ’’pizza, bagels, dog chow, sometimes McDonald’s,’’ Iturralde said. ``Sometimes the clients will bring her chicken nuggets. And for a while we tried to housebreak her with M&Ms.’’ pizza! mcdonald! chicken! what the hell they doing! she better off with fax paper! Who in their right mind, save some bovine fitness fanatic, would choose grass under the circumstances? certanly not lola Smith had left the room to attend a patient, a puppy small enough to fit in a man’s palm. He was displeased to see Lola napping when he returned. ’’Lola!’’ he said. ``You going to sleep all day? Or you going to get up and be somebody?’’ sound like my father. Lola did not want to be somebody. She wanted to sleep. But in good time, after much tugging and prodding, she got up. It was time for her walk. Nurse Iturralde fixed a leash and led her into the alley behind the clinic. many people here walk they cows. It was hot and dusty out back and Lola walked slowly, without enthusiasm. ’’Not in a roaming mood, today, huh?’’ Iturralde asked. Lola did not answer. duh. They walked down to the end of the alley and back, with a pause along the way to taste some interesting-looking leaves. i hope ituralde wasnt party to that. Soon -- two weeks, maybe three -- Lola will return to the pasture. She will graze and grow to half a ton. She will give birth yearly for the next decade, give milk in between bouts of pregnancy and eventually become many, many hamburgers. now that aint right! what the hell kind of story this! Iturralde did not dwell on the future. ’’You bottle-raise her, you play with her, but you realize you can’t keep her,’’ she said. but we will always keep lola in our heart. time to contact peta on this one! |
| Posted by:muck4doo |
| #6 24 hours later..... LOL mrp. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2004-3-2 6:48:53 AM |
| #5 He was displeased to see Lola napping when he returned. ’’Lola!’’ he said. ``You going to sleep all day? Or you going to get up and be somebody?’’ As every smart cow knows: A heifer loaf is better than none. |
| Posted by: mrp 2004-3-1 10:57:26 PM |
| #4 I sense a bit of stupidity at work in this story, on all fronts. That would be the poster. |
| Posted by: Robert Crawford 2004-3-1 5:50:12 PM |
| #3 "Her name was Lola, she was a cow girl..." |
| Posted by: Raj 2004-3-1 4:37:18 PM |
| #2 As an old southern farm boy, I can relate. I can't remember a time when Dad didn't have a couple of cows, a few pigs, chickens and turkeys. Some idiot took the cow to the wrong vet - I'm sure even in Florida there are "large-animal" vets and "small-animal" vets. The large-animal variety usually live and work outside cities, and usually have ten to twenty acres they can use to stable, feed, and care for livestock. I sense a bit of stupidity at work in this story, on all fronts. Possibly less in the cow, but then, we've never met... |
| Posted by: Old Patriot 2004-3-1 3:54:36 PM |
| #1 You know what's coming next.... yep. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2004-3-1 3:41:38 PM |