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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Jacksonville man burned when he fires rocket at girlfriend
2004-03-30
Shannon Kramer’s plans to fire a rocket toward his girlfriend went awry when the firework ricocheted inside his car and dived between his legs, bursting in a display that burned hair and skin from his feet to his groin, police said. Kramer, 35, told The Florida Times-Union he lit a fuse on the 6-inch-rocket, but wasn’t able to get it out the window of his Ford Mustang before it went off.
Dude, you're supposed to roll the window down, then light the fuse.
Seconds later, after the rocket blasted around inside the car, Kramer was burned and temporarily blinded. "I thought I was dead," he said. "I couldn’t see, I couldn’t hear. I went to stand up and I couldn’t walk." Kramer said he suffered second-degree burns and a cut on one leg. His eyelashes and a lot of body hair are gone and an outline of his sandals is burned onto his feet.
"I am such a dumbass" is permanently scarred onto his forehead, courtesy of the Finger of God...
Look at the bright side, he avoided a Darwin award -- barely.
Jacksonville police were called to the explosion about 9:30 p.m. Sunday and were told a man who had been threatening his girlfriend with a bomb had a mishap. Kramer said he was only playing a prank and was intending to fire the rocket out the window as he passed. Police referred the case to the State Attorney’s Office, but prosecutors declined to charge Kramer, police spokesman Ken Jefferson said.
"Yeah. I'd say he suffered enough when he burned off his testicle. That'll be more of a lesson to him than we could ever administer..."
Kramer said the rocket, which resembled a bottle rocket, was the diameter of a golf ball. "I had a couple but this was the biggest," he said. "No more of those."
Posted by:TS

#17  let me see, if his mustang was pre-1990, then yeah - I'd say mullet action. If he was in a camaro then he's definitely sporting a kentucky waterfall.....
Posted by: Jarhead   2004-04-03 9:37:39 PM  

#16  Mullet! Texas Tailgate Mullet! Trailer-park mullet! Mulletman!
Posted by: Antimullet   2004-04-03 9:25:07 PM  

#15  ship - i worked there in a previous life, 17 years ago.
Posted by: liberalhawk   2004-03-31 12:34:10 AM  

#14  Any pictures of this guy? I'm thinking mullett here, right?
Posted by: tu3031   2004-03-30 11:43:57 PM  

#13  When I was a kid, it became very hard to buy Estes rocket motors because vandals were throwing them into phone booths with fuses lit. I always wondered what would happen to person stupid enough to ignite the fuse while he himself – I have decided to exclude females from this psychosis based on personal experience, as I never met a pubescent girl pyro - was inside the booth. I wonder no longer. I have patiently waited nearly 30 years for a zipperhead to answer this question for me. I even suffered through Jackass the Movie in hopes of gaining this knowledge. A wise man once said that good things come to those who wait. I would like to add that 3rd degree burns to the scrotum come to those who have twisted ideas and no patience.
Posted by: Super Hose   2004-03-30 9:44:33 PM  

#12  Yes LH. Until the antichrist made AmTrack I had a pass on SCL. :)

I was just gettin going with it too... LOL.
I can't talk about the basement tho. It's indigo.
Seriously I guess it's been 20 years since I was in the building.

Posted by: Shipman   2004-03-30 5:41:03 PM  

#11  Heh. Guess I should've been able to figure that one out by myself.
Posted by: Dave D.   2004-03-30 5:38:27 PM  

#10  ship - youve been to the Seaboard building!!!!!!!

Posted by: Liberalhawk   2004-03-30 4:46:03 PM  

#9  I wonder how long until he decides to sue the manufacturer for a defective product?
Posted by: Chemist   2004-03-30 4:04:13 PM  

#8  Redneck wants a budget vasectomy, Doc gives him a big ol' firecracker, tells him to light it and count to 10, knowing he'd have to put it between his legs while he uses both hands to count to 10.....
Posted by: Frank G   2004-03-30 3:46:02 PM  

#7  redneck vasectomy joke

OK, Frank, let's have it. (I don't get around much so I realize I'm prolly the only one hasn't heard it)
Posted by: Dave D.   2004-03-30 3:38:34 PM  

#6  Ahhh... Jacksonville. Panama City without the beach. You have to keep in mind that Jacksonville is only 55 miles from Fargo Ga., 45 Miles from Raiford, 60 miles from Kings Bay. It's a strange mix and used to be stranger.

If there was a RedNeck Secret Command Post it could very well be in the basement of the Seaboard Bldg.

Posted by: Shipman   2004-03-30 3:30:42 PM  

#5  Look at the bright side, he avoided a Darwin award -- barely.
I dont know about that. He only had to make himself unable to contribute to the genepool to get a Darwin -- his death is not exactly required (but is usually the method of being unable...).

Course now they will be calling him 'ole stumpy'....
Posted by: CrazyFool   2004-03-30 3:15:36 PM  

#4  Will Fred please put this in the Classics?
Posted by: Korora   2004-03-30 3:11:57 PM  

#3  Seconds later, after the rocket blasted around inside the car...

I'd have paid to see that. A human version of Wile E. Coyote.
Posted by: tu3031   2004-03-30 3:04:37 PM  

#2  a bottle rocket the diameter of a golfball? Sounds like the redneck vasectomy joke
Posted by: Frank G   2004-03-30 2:59:35 PM  

#1  The guy's name is Shannon? Mercy me.
Posted by: Bomb-a-rama   2004-03-30 2:52:15 PM  

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