“Bye, Bye International Guy” Performed by John Forbes Kerry
(Sung to the tune of “American Pie” by Don McLean)

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember
How Vietnam used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance,
I could hold those folks in a trance
And they’d be fooled by my Northeastern smile

But November will make me shiver,
With every red state he delivers
Bad news for my campaign,
Can my ego take such pain?

Ted Kennedy just sat and cried
No one believed the President lied
As my S.U.V. sat outside
The day my campaign died

*Chorus*

So bye, bye international guy
Appeared feeble to the people, and the people decide
And those foreign boys scratch their heads and sigh
Singing, “How did the Kerry campaign die?”
“How did the Kerry campaign die?”

Why does George Bush speak of love?
And what’s with his talk of God above,
Church and state are a no-no
Now, do you believe in equal rights
The state can take this to new heights
The teachings of the Church have grown too old

Well, you gotta know that Bush is dim
The English language is hard for him
The man ain’t got a clue
I was a better one to choose

I was a real tough swift boat Navy stud
With war experience and a wound in my butt
Thirty years in D.C. ain’t enough
To say why the campaign died

I started singing

*Chorus*

Now for ten years Congress has been owned,
By Republicans with little homes
But that’s not how it used to be
When Ronnie and Nancy were King and Queen
It was a very different scene
Policy filtered through folks like me

And while King George’s polls were down,
Bill Clinton won our rightful crown
But Congress soon would churn,
The Gingrage wing returned

And while Clinton practiced oral arts,
Revolution began to start
I knew this crap could play a part
Causing my campaign to die

So I’m singing

*Chorus*

Geezie Peezie, spring time made me sleepy
The primary proved I could be sneaky
But the polls are falling fast
The pollsters can kiss my @ss
I even tried to burn Bush on gas
But I know this gas crisis will never last

Now, Bush has gone and F’d up Iraq
Yet America keeps smoking crack
An opening to advance
Oh, but we never got the chance
The Republican Attack Machine
All used tactics that were real mean
They were pivotal; I concede
They made my campaign die

They started singing

*Chorus*

Now, there is no more time to save face
This politician lost the race
With no side left to legislate
So come on George be honest,
George be true
George Bush lied to both me and you
That’s how he and Dick stole Florida state

Oh, and as I watched him fly that plane
That draft dodger drove me insane
No Air National Guard
Could polish my bronze star

And as that banner raised into the sky
‘Mission Accomplished’ fed the lie
But most Americans aren’t that bright
That’s why my campaign died

Now I’m singing

*Chorus*

I had a job that paid some dough
But Theresa owns my life, you know
Besides, she took my nads away
I went down to Capital Hill
Where I felt I could get richer still
Now the public will not let me play

And in the streets the homeless drank
A boy’s dream of raising taxes sank
If only I had spoken
These damn church bells’d be broken

And the three things I admire most
The power, dough and the need to boast
A half wit turned them all to toast
The day my campaign died

So I’m still singing

Bye, bye international guy
Appeared feeble to the people, and the people decide
And those foreign boys scratch their heads and sigh
Singing, “How did the Kerry campaign die?”
“How did the Kerry campaign die?”

We’re all singin’

Bye, bye international guy
Appeared feeble to the people, and the people decide
And those foreign boys scratch their heads and sigh
Singing, Thank God, the Kerry campaign died...