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-Short Attention Span Theater-
AL QAEDA TO DEPLOY "GAY BOMB"!
2004-08-24
Before there was The Onion.....
Before there was Scrappleface.....
There was the most respected name in major media: Weekly World News!


AL QAEDA PLANS TO DROP GAY BOMBS!!
Men within 30 miles of the blast will instantly turn queer!
By Nick Jefferies
EXTREMIST Muslim scientists are developing a bomb that turns anyone within a 30-mile radius of its blast into a homosexual, say U.S. Intelligence insiders. It's all a part of the Al Qaeda master plan to pull our country apart and kill the patriotism that makes us strong. " They believe that making more Americans gay will start civil war between gays and ultraconservatives," says one highly placed intelligence officer. "They also figure it will lead to a decrease in the U.S. population."

The Gay Bomb was already in the planning stages when Osama Bin Laden and close, intimate friend Muhammad Atef founded the international terrorist group Al Qaeda in 1989. "Atef and Bin Laden spent many late nights together during that time of revolution," reveals an ex-Al Qaeda member, who prefers to remain anonymous for fear of retribution. "One morning, I entered their living quarters and they had worked so hard the night before they had fallen into bed together, suffering from exhaustion.

"That's when I saw the blueprints for the bomb. I asked about it, but Bin Laden said to leave it to the scientists. He and Atef had accidentally set one off the night before."
Posted by:Atomic Conspiracy

#35  Rantburg(.com) sucks!
Posted by: Rantburg   2004-08-24 1:18:57 PM  

#34  Rantburg(.com) sucks!
Posted by: Rantburg   2004-08-24 1:18:57 PM  

#33  Rantburg(.com) sucks!
Posted by: Rantburg   2004-08-24 1:18:57 PM  

#32  Rantburg(.com) sucks!
Posted by: Rantburg   2004-08-24 1:18:57 PM  

#31  Rantburg(.com) sucks!
Posted by: Rantburg   2004-08-24 1:18:56 PM  

#30  Rantburg(.com) sucks!
Posted by: Rantburg   2004-08-24 1:18:56 PM  

#29  If only the gay bomb worked like a neutron bomb in reverse: all the people are fine, but everyone's place looks simply FABulous after it goes off.
Posted by: eLarson   2004-08-24 11:35:33 PM  

#28  ok. im just bookmarked that to favrits.
Posted by: muck4doo   2004-08-24 8:15:22 PM  

#27  Hmmm... "gay bomb"? we should be more worried about fagmentation grenades in the hands of terrorists or fifth columnists.
Posted by: Dave D.   2004-08-24 6:38:57 PM  

#26  We're being threatened by the fabulous mauve bomb? I do hope proper invitations have been sent. A decent production is the key to success.
Posted by: Shipman   2004-08-24 5:58:40 PM  

#25  R.C. Wasn't that called The Nude Bomb?
Posted by: CrazyFool   2004-08-24 2:44:43 PM  

#24  I hear they tested it in an Italian slum.
Posted by: Atomic Conspiracy   2004-08-24 2:37:35 PM  

#23  Wasn't this the plot of a Maxwell Smart made-for-TV movie?
Posted by: Robert Crawford   2004-08-24 2:12:13 PM  

#22  #11 ed: Ouch! Too true.

#16-21 troll: Give it up, asshole. If you're bored, go play on the railroad bridge.
Posted by: Barbara Skolaut   2004-08-24 2:08:09 PM  

#21  [Off-topic or abusive comments deleted]
Posted by: Rantburg TROLL   2004-08-24 1:18:57 PM  

#20  [Off-topic or abusive comments deleted]
Posted by: Rantburg TROLL   2004-08-24 1:18:57 PM  

#19  [Off-topic or abusive comments deleted]
Posted by: Rantburg TROLL   2004-08-24 1:18:57 PM  

#18  [Off-topic or abusive comments deleted]
Posted by: Rantburg TROLL   2004-08-24 1:18:57 PM  

#17  [Off-topic or abusive comments deleted]
Posted by: Rantburg TROLL   2004-08-24 1:18:56 PM  

#16  [Off-topic or abusive comments deleted]
Posted by: Rantburg TROLL   2004-08-24 1:18:56 PM  

#15  Frank G. Me too. I love women. Maybe we can bring back the Eskimo family that the rovers found living on Mars. Maybe they can help.
Posted by: Deacon Blues   2004-08-24 1:16:35 PM  

#14  It's already happened - I just found out I'm a lesbian.....deep inside...kinda
Posted by: Frank G   2004-08-24 8:23:11 AM  

#13  They've been unable to keep up with the arms race, the space race, and the peace race. Their people want refrigerators and nylon stockings. They couldn't allow a doomsday gap. They read that we were developing one. Their source was the New York Times. Apologies to Stanley Kubrick.
Posted by: DLS   2004-08-24 8:05:42 AM  

#12  Don't that just bugger all. (Pun intended.)
Posted by: Mike   2004-08-24 8:04:48 AM  

#11  EXTREMIST Muslim scientists are developing a bomb that turns anyone within a 30-mile radius of its blast into a homosexual

They've had that for 1400 years. It's called a Mosque.
Posted by: ed   2004-08-24 7:01:26 AM  

#10  For the love of heaven . . . they've weaponized Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!
Posted by: Mike   2004-08-24 6:52:12 AM  

#9  Further conversations with wild-eyed strangers:

(puzzled look)
Well...what does it do to women?

"It turns them queer too!"

(even more puzzled look)
(mutters) I thought they already were...




Thanks. I'll be here all week...
Posted by: mojo   2004-08-24 2:14:55 AM  

#8  With that type of weapon out there, I hope that we don't have a mine shaft gap.
Posted by: Super Hose   2004-08-24 2:02:48 AM  

#7  Of course this is true!

(This message was brought to you by the German Tourist Office)

PS: Don't expect us to stage a road accident with a beer truck every day!
Posted by: True German Ally   2004-08-24 1:41:57 AM  

#6  Roman: Cake or Death?
Angie: Cake, please.
Roman: I hope they find that grove soon...
Posted by: .com   2004-08-24 1:39:11 AM  

#5  From AC's link:

A PREVIOUSLY undiscovered natural river of beer has been found deep in Germany's Black Forest.

And while you're doing that, you might check whether there is a natural stand of Black Forest Cakes anywhere nearby.

Mmmm...cake...
Posted by: Angie Schultz   2004-08-24 1:28:01 AM  

#4  That does it. My great, great grandmother and my wife's grand mother were from germany were moving back there to be near that river of beer.


I know it's true because I read it in the Weekly World News.
Posted by: Sock Puppet of Doom   2004-08-24 1:16:06 AM  

#3  TGA:
Your new assignment, should you decide to accept it, is to fact-check this one for us.
Posted by: Atomic Conspiracy   2004-08-24 1:09:56 AM  

#2  One of those other highlights:

ALIENS CLAIM JACKO IS THEIR SON

Why, that makes perfectly sense to me!
Posted by: True German Ally   2004-08-24 12:52:44 AM  

#1  Don't worry - we'll send in Bat Boy to get them first. After all, according to the Weekly World News, he caught Saddam for us!
Posted by: OldSpook   2004-08-24 12:41:01 AM  

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