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-Short Attention Span Theater-
BEHOLD! the wonders of the TIME TRAVEL FUND!
2004-08-26
Kinda makes you wonder if there'll be one born every minute in the future, too...
Fred, send him a couple bucks and find out!
Q: How does this work?
A: Current scientific theory states that Time Travel may be possible, however the technology is a long way off, perhaps hundreds of years in the future. Now, assume it does become possible in say, 500 years. As with any technology, Time Travel will get less expensive as time goes on. Just as the price of a VCR has dropped to less than $70 from the several hundred dollars it cost just ten years ago, Time Travel, once it becomes feasible, will initially be very expensive yet it will become more and more economical as time goes by.

Q: How does this help me?
A: The concept is that one day, it may be possible for people living far in the future to retrieve you from your current frame of reference (their past - your present) and bring you into the future (their present - your future.)

Q: Why would they want to?
A: That is the purpose of the fund. The simple answer is, we pay them to bring you into the future.
...because, y'see, there's a definite shortage of dim-bulbs in the future...

Q: Are there any restrictions?
A: Yes, several: You will not be retrieved if you die by suicide. Sorry, but we don't want your family blaming us for you killing yourself because you think you will get to the future sooner. You will not be retrieved if you die by execution, or are killed in the process of, or the result of, committing a crime. You are responsible for your actions, and the fund is not an excuse for you to take your frustrations out on society. (Note: You are not automatically excluded if you are the victim of a crime.)

There are no guarantees. None whatsoever. This is pure speculation, but it is a chance. Should something happen such as the people of the earth bombing themselves back to the stone age, you probably won't be retrieved. The fund is a chance to visit the future, not a guarantee. If you want a guarantee, go buy a savings bond and wait for seven years.
Such a deal! Sign up today!
Posted by:mojo

#16  Yeah, Mucky will get in on the ground floor of this, become the richest man on the planet, and we'll all be kicking ourselves in the ass that we gave it a pass.
Posted by: tu3031   2004-08-26 8:12:30 PM  

#15  Pay up, or the server gets it.
BTW Robots are fun.
Posted by: Shipman119378   2004-08-26 7:33:27 PM  

#14  As much as I hate scammers I hope this one continues to produce wonderful reads such as this.

O/T SIDE NOTE: If muck is scambaiting nigerians I vote for him to post one of his best baits here.
Posted by: 2%   2004-08-26 6:17:05 PM  

#13  Uh-oh...
Posted by: mojo   2004-08-26 4:54:01 PM  

#12  This vaguely reminds me of the fund Franklin set up to finance (medical scholarships?) education using his advanced understanding of compound interest. It worked too.
Posted by: Shipman   2004-08-26 4:21:11 PM  

#11  ima fale see any humor in this. if you were tell peples 500 years ago that we are now can fly across europe in hours or to america in hours they are wuldve laff! they would laff to if you were tell them they are can hold a conversation with someone thousands miles away to. who in laffing now!
Posted by: muck4doo   2004-08-26 3:14:56 PM  

#10  my luck: I'll get a guy in the future who procrastinates....
Posted by: Frank G   2004-08-26 3:01:01 PM  

#9  Why can't I think of scams like this? I could be rollin' in dough...
Posted by: Fred   2004-08-26 2:45:22 PM  

#8  Are Darwin Award recipients elgible?

I'd like to see that sign up list. A mass marketer's dream come true.
Posted by: GK   2004-08-26 1:41:52 PM  

#7  This is almost as good as the Lost Nigerian Cosmonaut Email Scam.

Although if time travel works as described in (among other places) the John Titor Hoax then you can't travel back to the same timeline you left with any great confidence.

Buyer beware: dimensional integrity not guaranteed.
Posted by: Phil Fraering   2004-08-26 1:07:11 PM  

#6  Bah. I've had my reservations in at Milliways for years. Only cost a penny, but it should pay for QUITE a meal by the time they call me for my table.
Posted by: Robert Crawford   2004-08-26 1:05:39 PM  

#5  Are we there yet?...Are we there yet?...Are we there yet?...
Posted by: tu3031   2004-08-26 1:03:43 PM  

#4  I wrote them a check, in 2035, backdated to now.
Posted by: ed   2004-08-26 1:00:40 PM  

#3  Those people from the future - they'll take our jaaaaaaabs!
Posted by: South Park Redneck   2004-08-26 12:49:27 PM  

#2  Chris, you too? I've gotten 5 of those just this week. I forward them to Muck4doo. I don't personnally believe it will be possible to travel backwards in time. Forward, maybe but not backward. One would have to travel in time and space backward. It makes my head hurt thinking about it.
Posted by: Deacon Blues   2004-08-26 12:48:56 PM  

#1  I'll be sure to sign up just as soon as I email my checking account number to the exiled Queen of Nigeria who's been asking for my help lately with the promise of getting a cut of their vast fortune.
Posted by: Chris W.   2004-08-26 12:30:04 PM  

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