As the LLL forges its way toward the next election and resistance stiffens, I thought this little item from the most trusted name in major media, the Weekly World News, might help maintain morale and lift spirits (I prefer gin or scotch). It gives us yet another excuse to lampoon, mock, belittle, and otherwise abuse the accursed French (not that we need any more).
THE NEWEST beauty fad to hit Parisian modeling runways is long, luxurious nose hair. Gorgeous supermodels showing off this season's fashions are also sporting a pair of soft tresses that start inside their nostrils and reach their waistlines. "It's very happening, very now, very hip," says French designer Yves St. Mauron. "Soon, every woman will have luscious nasal locks running down the front of their blouses."
| [Insert booger joke here] |
The look, called Proboscis Pigtails, is achieved by gluing lengths of synthetic strands high inside the nasal cavities. The Pigtails come in all colors and can be cut to fit a woman's preferences. "Some gals chop it to chin length because they don't like nose hair in their lunch," says St. Mauron. "For a special night out on the town it's fun to attach four or five piggies together and have them trail along on the ground. I wouldn't recommend this look if there will be dancing involved." The snoot extensions are inexpensive and available in most beauty supply stores. The starter pack includes a tube of special fluid that dissolves the adhesive. " Never, never yank the piggies out without using the solvent," warns St. Mauron. "It hurts like hell. Trust me. My eyes are still watering."
-- By BECKY TODD |