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| Israel-Palestine |
| Rate this Paleo Car Swarm |
| 2004-10-22 |
| Yet another one to judge on a 10 pt scale. |
| Posted by:Yosemite Sam |
| #44 *bows* Thank You, Thank you! We at the War College live to educate... |
| Posted by: Ptah 2004-10-23 10:34:31 PM |
| #43 Agreed, Frank. Ptah's da Man! Put it in the RB classics. A masterpiece of wit, well reasoned points, organization, and overall presentation. I am enlightened but emotionally exhausted by Ptah's most noble essay. |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2004-10-23 7:04:53 PM |
| #42 Ptah? A classic! I bow |
| Posted by: Frank G 2004-10-23 6:46:51 PM |
| #41 Ummm, you've caught a superset, Lurker. Here's an analysis of the rundown 1. Ululating women Remember, we're rating a Palestinian CAR SWARM. Ululating is CELEBRATION, not MOURNING. A Ululator would be identified as a collaborator with the Jooos and be raped and slaughtered. 2. Visible charred, shredded and bloody body parts Correct. See Yassin and #41's photo. 3. Onlooker screaming bloody murder while holding up severed limb (no requirement on fingers and toes still being attached) Correct, but only if looking into camera. Points off for not looking into camera, or holding up a CAR part, not a body part. 4. Some emotion frozen, preferably What-the-fuck-surprise", on the face of the target Mandatory bonus points, but not required for a perfect 10. These should be identified as Yassin points, and require elevation of the Swarm into the pantheon of the classics. 5. Vomiting onlookers never seen any. Not required, but scoring due to its appearing is optional and left to the judge. Besides, getting the timing right would be incredible. Merely looking sick may probably qualify for half points. Full points MANDATORY if the shmuck is a dead ringer for a Democrat Celebrity or elected Official. 6. Onlooker engaging with cell phone Not mandatory, but bonus points if looking at the car with a shocked look on his face. Otherwise, zip. 7. Flames Not only not required, but positively counterproductive!!! The Swarm MUST be hard up against the mangled remains of the car to even QUALIFY for the Car Swarm Competition. Existance of flames would spoil the "milling mass of humanity" look essential for basic qualification. Actual shots of Paleo idiots dancing while in flames for getting too close to the attacked car should be disqualified for jumping the gun. HOWEVER, they may be shoo-ins for the Darwin Awards, and professional courtesy would require us directing the photos thereto, or to a more appropriate competition. 8. Multiple deaths involved My gut feel says no, but relentless logic dictates otherwise: A Hellfire missile is a damn expensive piece of ordinance, and shouldn't be wasted on a Terrorist leader who is not high enough on the pecking order to merit bodyguards and a driver. I would say that a mandatory 2 points be assessed AGAINST Shin Bet due to lousy intelligence fingering a terrorist asshole this low in the food chain. 9. Onlookers raining blows down upon other onlookers ONLY in the event that it is clear that the reason for the contention is a body part (see #2) 10. Corporate logos on shirts or better yet, Kerry / Edwards campaign t-shirt on an onlooker OR a Kerry / Edwards bumper sticker on target vehicle. Scoring optional. However, this rule is flawed by requiring existance of the presence of a specific campaign, implying that the basic need for the IDF to generate Car Swarms will disappear by 2004. Not damn likely. Modify "Kerry/Edwards" to the more generic "American Democratic Presidential Candidate ticket", and you'll have a winner! There are two other rules you missed, and should probably be #1 and #2, with the others suitably re-numbered: 11. There must be a mass of humanity surrounding the wreckage. Hell, what's a car swarm without an actual swarm, a veritable MASS, a teeming SEA, of bodies? No mass, automatic disqualification. Ex. The Death-By-Hellfire-From-Predator shot of the burnt out 4 wheeler in Somalia. Emotionally satisfying? YES! True Justice? Absolutely. A Car Swarm? No way. There wasn't even a lizard visibmly sunning itself on a rock, fer cryin' out loud! 12. One or more individuals ON the wreckage. Lack of said individuals is CLEAR EVIDENCE that the photograher snapped too soon: The photographic equivalent of a premature ejaculation. Immediate disqualification of the photo, but not for any qualifying shots by the same photographer at the same Blessed Event. |
| Posted by: Ptah 2004-10-23 6:27:08 PM |
| #40 #26 Brilliant |
| Posted by: incarnate of lee atwater 2004-10-22 11:57:23 PM |
| #39 The Yassin rubout was still the best.They showed that crippled piece of human garbage...top of his head blown off..the inside of his skull looked like a bowl of pasta. |
| Posted by: WhiteHouseDetox 2004-10-22 11:46:28 PM |
| #38 3.5 from the Isreali judge. |
| Posted by: Slomorong Cheque7338 2004-10-22 11:35:19 PM |
| #37 Ptah, Yes, of course, you are correct. If only the Paleostani's would have broken the crispy crust up a bit beforehand and generously distributed the jellified filling, I am sure they could have inched closer up on the wheelchair vampire of Gaza's martyrdom phot0 spread, which *was* clearly an 11. Perhaps they are saving their next masterpiece for the Ariofat himself. |
| Posted by: Mac Suirtain 2004-10-22 10:24:52 PM |
| #36 Am I capturing the scoring elements appropriately? Not sure what each is weighted but what we're looking for is: 1. Ululating women 2. Visible charred, shredded and bloody body parts 3. Onlooker screaming bloody murder while holding up severed limb (no requirement on fingers and toes still being attached) 3. Some emotion frozen, preferably "What-the-fuck-surprise", on the face of the target 4. Vomiting onlookers 5. Onlooker engaging with cell phone 6. Flames 7. Multiple deaths involved 8. Onlookers raining blows down upon other onlookers 9. Corporate logos on shirts or better yet, Kerry / Edwards campaign t-shirt on an onlooker OR a Kerry / Edwards bumper sticker on target vehicle Well done Rantburgians! |
| Posted by: Lurker 2004-10-22 8:02:59 PM |
| #35 *lifts up card* 4 No offense, but it's a lousy pic by the Paleo photog, due to lousy timing and a lousy dispatch. By getting fried alive, there were no shredded and bloody limbs (+2) for anyone to hold aloft (+2). The person holding it aloft must face the camera and look as if he's screaming bloody murder (+2). For the Israeli crisping this critter: *holds up card* 8. Hate to disagree with Mac Suirtain (#31), but the guy who offed the Imam "spiritual" leader of Hamas outside of the mosque at 3 in the morning (I forget his name, and good riddance), scores highest: the corpse was bloody, ripped apart, and looked just positively awful. NOW, if we got a pic of the face of said crispy critter displayed in #19 and #20, AND he had a look of terror and agony, as if he burned to death alive, THEN I will recant my 8 and award an 11. Ptah Aetyptus, Judge and originator of the KCNA Rant Rating system (c) |
| Posted by: Ptah 2004-10-22 7:10:43 PM |
| #34 Is that a camera the kid is holding in #4? maybe he's a budding photojournalist documenting the Paleostinian 'struggle'. |
| Posted by: Bryan 2004-10-22 7:01:46 PM |
| #33 I give it a 4 - no ululating women.... no handing out of crispy internal organs.... No tearing each other to shreads. Rather poor performnce all in all. |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2004-10-22 6:55:18 PM |
| #32 I rate it a 5. No missile streaming in to the picture. |
| Posted by: Sock Puppet of Doom 2004-10-22 6:53:19 PM |
| #31 Crispy murderous critter is good for a few points, but with very little visible seething or slogan chanting and absolutely NO visible ululating women... 6. Now for the Israeli crsiping of this critter and his personal ass-munch. 11. Next? |
| Posted by: Mac Suirtain 2004-10-22 6:52:28 PM |
| #30 I'm not sure WHO the severed forearm belongs to in the photo above, but I AM sure the guy was busy whacking his koran at the time of death. |
| Posted by: Mark Z. 2004-10-22 6:40:12 PM |
| #29 Frank G .... thanks much I shall try that for posting links! |
| Posted by: dennisw 2004-10-22 6:05:08 PM |
| #28 Where are all the women? How come the Joooooo's don't send five, six or seven more Virgin rewarders into the crowd? |
| Posted by: Long Hair Republican 2004-10-22 5:36:56 PM |
| #27 lol is this the one where the mainstream media said 'plaistinians inspect the damage' inspect ,inspect wtf its a full on car swarm not some kinda vehicle maintance pit stop. I'd give it a 8 outa 10 because theres not enough gore, i like it when some jihadi clown runs out clutching a limb or an ear or maybe even a heart then cheers as if its some sort victory. brilliant stuff,just what you'd expext from an arab |
| Posted by: Shep UK 2004-10-22 4:54:37 PM |
| #26 #11 Probably for the same reasons flies swarm around Sh*t. |
| Posted by: Cromorong Ebbereque7543 2004-10-22 4:39:55 PM |
| #25 Only a 4 due to lack of NIKE logo shirts. |
| Posted by: Brett_the_Quarkian 2004-10-22 4:37:06 PM |
| #24 Nice turnout, but I don't see enough seething. 6 is about right. |
| Posted by: tu3031 2004-10-22 4:36:24 PM |
| #23 I would rate it a 6. No flames. |
| Posted by: Big Look Spook 2004-10-22 4:34:17 PM |
| #22 I'd give it a 6, only because it looks like there's a body part in the lower left. Much too calm for a car swarm; I suspect the Palestinians are getting jaded. |
| Posted by: Pappy 2004-10-22 4:33:04 PM |
| #21 I'd give it a "9". You can't give a "10" to any swarm that involved only ONE death to a Paleo-thug. |
| Posted by: Crusader 2004-10-22 3:49:44 PM |
| #20 dennisw, Here you go. Click please Crispy Pork Rind-Take 2 |
| Posted by: Poison Reverse 2004-10-22 2:50:22 PM |
| #19 dennisw, Here you go. Click please. Crispy Pork Rind-Take 2 |
| Posted by: Thraing Uloluper1664 2004-10-22 2:48:40 PM |
| #18 the guy in back doesn't seem to like the smell, huh? Looks like he's gonna hurl. Dennis - post a couple words like : image1 image 2 and highlight them and click link |
| Posted by: Frank G 2004-10-22 2:37:30 PM |
| #17 Sorry for #16 but I can't post a link for shit here! Is there some kind of trick. And my own HTML made links won't post either. |
| Posted by: dennisw 2004-10-22 2:22:55 PM |
| #16 Go to Getty images and one of them is Al Ghoul burnt to black crisp being carried into morgue. Second row from bottom. Link1 Link2 |
| Posted by: dennisw 2004-10-22 2:21:28 PM |
| #15 I'll give them an 8 for enthusiasm, but only a 4 for sharing of the gibs. |
| Posted by: BH 2004-10-22 2:12:02 PM |
| #14 I rate it a 8.5. I would rate it a 10 if it weren't for the missing rubber duckies. If the Paleo kids are missing a half day of school for ALL the unscheduled car swarms, do they get to make it up in the summer? It has got to be a detriment to the minimum credit hours they need, to pass. Maybe there are free credit hours available for propaganda photo-ops. |
| Posted by: Poison Reverse 2004-10-22 2:11:41 PM |
| #13 Fred! - How is the crispy critter gonna handle the virgins when he leaves that fist behind. I guess it's, "allah Akhbar, Baby!", and hope for the best... On that point alone, is the Israeli Yassinization of these fools is a deterrent for some? GO ISRAEL! MORE CRISPY CRITTERS... |
| Posted by: BigEd 2004-10-22 1:46:46 PM |
| #12 same reason Jesse Jackson ran to MLK's death balcony and from the pool of blood on the deck, smeared his shirt: to prove he was there and that close to "the big guy" when he bought the farm. |
| Posted by: Frank G 2004-10-22 1:39:09 PM |
| #11 Does anyone here know why the Palis do the car swarm? Seriously, are there any Palestinian lurkers that can enlighten me on this? What purpose does it serve? I thought the South Vietnamesse were death entralled but man, this is something else. |
| Posted by: Doc8404 2004-10-22 1:35:29 PM |
| #10 These car swarms are extremely ghoulish, don't ya think? |
| Posted by: Rafael 2004-10-22 1:23:19 PM |
| #9 And the parents let him hang around a car swarm? Real family values. Hell, his parents are probably with him in the swarm somewhere. It's probably their idea of a family outing. |
| Posted by: nada 2004-10-22 1:11:14 PM |
| #8 Like I said yesterday, there are alot of tempting targets at a car swarm. But, seriously, look at Fred's picture in #4 comment. There is a kid there that can't be more than 12 years old. And the parents let him hang around a car swarm? Real family values. |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2004-10-22 1:03:53 PM |
| #7 I give it a five due to a distinct lack of Cell Phone Cams!! |
| Posted by: TomAnon 2004-10-22 1:03:33 PM |
| #6 Duh, "hear" not "here". |
| Posted by: .com 2004-10-22 12:56:46 PM |
| #5 Caption: "And what do I here for this prime, uh, right hand and forearm - slighty singed with the odor of death?" |
| Posted by: .com 2004-10-22 12:56:23 PM |
#4 Nobody's holding up any limbs, either. This one was much better... |
| Posted by: Fred 2004-10-22 12:54:40 PM |
| #3 Is that the one for the euphoniously named Al-Ghoul? If it is, it gets at least a 8 for being the last ride of a leader of Hamas. Have to deduct points for no parade of bloodstained rags, no visible would-be jihadis promising dire revenge...... |
| Posted by: Desert Blondie 2004-10-22 12:35:58 PM |
| #2 Is that a car? Looks like gym equipment. If it is a car I reckon it's worthy of an 8. |
| Posted by: Howard UK 2004-10-22 12:28:21 PM |
| #1 I give it a 9 based on size. Although, there could be more celebrating and other oddities afoot. For that, I'll have to give it a 6. Overall a score: 7.5. |
| Posted by: nada 2004-10-22 12:26:18 PM |
