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| "Overcoming Liberalism: A 12-Step Program" |
| 2004-12-20 |
| Several months ago, I heard radio host Michael Savage refer to liberalism as a "mental disorder." As odd as this concept might seem, I think I actually agree with him. I've seen liberalism turn some of the most intelligent people I know into propaganda-spewing robots who care only about the message, not the inaccuracies behind the message. Emotion always trumps logic for them, regardless of the blatantly obvious. Given the difficulty in bringing liberals into the light, I thought it might be helpful to provide them with a 12-step program that could make it easier for a successful transition into reality. As conservatives, we have to remember that we can only be supportive to liberals in this program. They cannot do it alone, but we also cannot do it for them. The Program: Step 1: Admitting that you're a liberal This is the first step for every liberal on the way to recovery. It is important to understand that you're not "progressive," "moderate," or "enlightened." You're a liberal, and you need to be honest with yourself about that fact. Step 2: Pledge to support your beliefs with facts Realize that truth is more important than moral superiority and is the only way to come over to reality. You must research beyond propaganda from the Sierra Club, Hillary Clinton, and CNN (the Communist News Network) to understand things as they really exist in the world. You can no longer argue based on "feelings" or emotion. You will actually need to back up your arguments with real information. This is a difficult step, because it means you can't be lazy any more. Step 3: Love America This may be the most difficult step for those of you who are hippies and peaceniks. Admitting that the country you hate actually stands as a beacon to defend freedom throughout the world can make some of you physically ill. You might want to make a visit to a military cemetery to better understand that these men and women gave their lives so that you could spew hatred. Otherwise, you would currently be living in a police state that would never let you wear that nasty patchouli oil, let alone speak out against your government. Step 4: Take a college level economics class I've always defined a Socialist as someone who's never taken an economics class. Most Socialists I've spoke with would have a hard time balancing their checkbooks, let alone explaining the simple concept of supply-and-demand. It's time to flush your complete ignorance of basic economics down the toilet and understand how the world actually functions. This concept will be very important for the next steps that involve communism, facts about corporations, and the inefficiencies of government. Step 5: Say "no" to Communism and Socialism While this concept is obvious to most of the free world, it is an important step in your recovery process. If you have difficulty with this step, spend a week living and working in Cuba. Step 6: Corporations are not evil If you're reading this article online or in an e-mail, it's thanks to corporations. If you get some kind of paycheck, you can thank corporations. If you work for a non-profit or the government, you still have to thank corporations. The non-profit sector and the government wouldn't have any money to pay you without corporations. It is also important that you understand that making a profit doesn't equate to "greed" or exploitation. Capitalism has created the greatest society in our world's history. Even communist countries need corporations to survive, so enjoy a nice, hot cup of reality. Step 7: The government is inefficient If you are one of those liberals who believe the government should tax us more in order to take care of society, you need to pay special attention to this step. You need to realize that government bureaucracy will waste most of your tax dollars, while the private sector will put your money to much better use. Even most Democrat politicians understand this to some degree, which is why Hillary's socialist healthcare proposal was voted down by a majority of both Democrats and Republicans. Go to your local post office or call the IRS to ask a tax question if you need a reminder about government inefficiency. Step 8: The earth is not your "mother," and she's not dying The time has now come to stop your donations to Greenpeace, The Sierra Club, and every other EnviroNazi organization to which you belong. Face the reality that the earth, society, and our environment are better off today than ever in recorded history and that they are continuing to improve. I realize that many of you tree huggers will have a very difficult time letting go of the Douglas Fir on this one. I would suggest reading The Skeptical Environmentalist by Bjorn Lomborg. Mr. Lomborg is a former member of Greenpeace and is currently a statistics professor at a university in Denmark. He set out to prove the world was in bad shape and ended up surprising himself by proving the exact opposite. Step 9: Stop smoking the wacky tobaccy Okay, some of you might need to enter another 12-step program to complete this step. Marijuana is distorting your sense of reality, and you need to stop using it. Besides, you'll save a fortune on snacks. Step 10: Eat a hamburger If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat. You can put your sprouts and tofu on the hamburger, but get some meat into you. You'll look and feel better than you ever imagined. You can always remind yourself that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian to get you through this step. Step 11: Stop re-writing political history It's now time to admit that Bill Clinton is a lying-cheating-sexist-racist-rapist jackass, Hillary Clinton is one of the worst role models for women in this country, Al Gore really did lose the 2000 election by every vote tabulation you attempt, Ronald Reagan ended the Cold War and didn't create the homeless problem, John McCain is not a typical Republican, and Jimmy Carter is a nice man but has one of the worst presidential records of anyone in history. Step 12: Be a missionary Once you have completed the previous steps to overcoming liberalism, it's time for you to share this awakening with others who are not as fortunate. Go out amongst the liberal sheep and spread the good word of your freedom from the chains of ignorance that once bound you. Congratulations, and welcome to reality. |
| Posted by:tipper |
| #13 This should be mandatory for continued citizenship. Suggest the liberals commit to this plan of action while standing atop a trap-door. |
| Posted by: Capt America 2004-12-20 5:39:45 PM |
| #12 LOL 2B, not that I get it of course. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2004-12-20 3:42:37 PM |
| #11 CL - Thanx! Interesting reading... hmmmm. [In your best Elmer Fudd] We have to be vewy vewy quiet, though, cuz Dw Steve be luwking somewhewe and he's bound to jump out and put the Feaw of the AMA into us, lol! Thx, again... |
| Posted by: .com 2004-12-20 2:58:01 PM |
| #10 Beer reduces the levels of "bad" cholesterol and tri-glycerides. That's why I make all I can. MMM, beer. |
| Posted by: Deacon Blues 2004-12-20 2:49:13 PM |
| #9 .com, I know you aren't the type that needs validation, but if you want some well founded support for your views on Tri-G, pick up a copy of The Cholesterol Myths by Uffe Ravnskof. |
| Posted by: Classical_Liberal 2004-12-20 12:57:01 PM |
| #8 Is there a sister organization, Al Annonyed, for those of us who aren't liberals, but who have family members who are? |
| Posted by: 2b 2004-12-20 12:47:49 PM |
| #7 "Hi, I'm Phil, and I'm a liberal." "Hi, Phiil!" |
| Posted by: Mike 2004-12-20 12:40:07 PM |
| #6 I agree 99,9% with this list. I only have this 0,1% of a quibble: "Jimmy Carter is a nice man." |
| Posted by: Bryan 2004-12-20 6:27:47 AM |
| #5 Hot dang, that's great! Let's see... I've got a laser printer and plenty of paper. The students aren't back until next Tuesday, and I've got Monday off. This broadside will find itself stapled and taped all over campus. Just wait for the MSM to air reports of political "assault" at WWU! Long live the resistance! |
| Posted by: Asedwich 2004-12-20 1:45:43 AM |
| #4 CL - Lol! Triglycerides waay below the "limit", heh. It's people like them that made something utterly unthinkable 100 years ago, Assertiveness Training, a modern necessity, lol! [Sensitive people should not read the remainder of this comment.] I have the opposite problem, according to the Doc that administered my last blood test, lol! He got really snippy about my Tri-G levels and started pontificating about how he felt it his moral duty to add some commentary blah, blah, blah. After I let go of his lapels and lowered him to the floor, he agreed to sign my fucking paperwork so I could go to fucking Saudi Arabia and fucking work. All they cared about was whether or not I had fucking AIDS - so my skyhigh Tri-G's were none of their fucking business - nor his, as I explained to him in absolutely clear language, lol! True story, heh. |
| Posted by: .com 2004-12-20 1:24:34 AM |
| #3 ROFL!!! What a great list, lol! I'll bet it would've been funny listening in as Robb tried out potential list items on others. Hell, I'd like to see the list that didn't make the cut... imagine how un-PC that one is, lol! |
| Posted by: .com 2004-12-20 1:13:53 AM |
| #2 I think it's actually a dietary problem that stems from inadequate protein. Does anyone know any liberals (modern kind) that are serious meat eaters? |
| Posted by: Classical_Liberal 2004-12-20 1:13:27 AM |
| #1 Over in the liberal arts department at [NAME_here] Univerity there is a series of loud pops as heads explode from trying steps 3 thru 7. |
| Posted by: N Guard 2004-12-20 12:57:54 AM |