Do we need any more evidence of how far Europe has fallen?
| Prob'ly not. We're at the point where Bush is buying sympathy cards... |
In 1521 at the Diet of Worms, Martin Luther defied the pope with these words: "Hier stehe Ich. Ich kann nicht Anders. Gott hilf Mier. Amen." In English, that would be: "Here I stand. I cannot do otherwise. God help me. Amen." Today the poor man would have to say: "Here I sit." He could not do otherwise.
| Perhaps, "Here I sit, broken-hearted..." |
The "sitzpinkler" movement, which started in Sweden a few years ago, has moved to Australia and Germany. I won't go into detail. You can figure it out for yourself. "Sitzpinkler" is German for a man who sits in the restroom even when he doesn't have to. Otherwise, by demonstrating his "dominance" over women, he risks excommunication by the Left.
| I can remember when "You gotta squat to pee!" was an insult. |
A newspaper called The Australian quoted a young woman named Jessica, a biologist, from the Swedish city of Uppsala: "All my friends demand that their husbands or boyfriends sit down," said Jessica. "I think it shows respect for the women who clean. My brother, for example, would not dream of standing up. Among the young, leftish intelligentsia, there is also a view that to stand up is a nasty macho gesture."
| ... thereby demonstrating that the term "man" doesn't reflect only gender. |
Jessica has stumbled across the essence of why the world hates us: Simply because we are born American, we have advantages that they do not have.
| Wanna watch while I conspicuously consume something? |
America is devoted to individualism, capitalism and the idea that even a poor immigrant can one day become a millionaire. Our Constitution, written by brilliant men, gives us the right to pursue happiness.
| Actually, that was the Declaration of Independence, not the Constitution. One's the idea, the other's the implementation. |
If happiness means buying a big gun, we can do it. If happiness means buying a big SUV, we can do it. If happiness means bringing freedom to Iraq, we can do that too. We call this "natural." Europe calls it "a nasty macho gesture." But they say the same thing about standing up in the men's room. So do you think maybe we should stop caring about what they think of us?
| I dunno. I does bother me that people who are capable of making perfectly good beer are so fond of warm milk. But that's a mild intellectual problem to sort through after I'm done considering more important things, like whether eating pickles will make you eventually turn green. |
I got to thinking about "sitzpinkler syndrome" recently because of what I heard at a meeting at Tinley Park High School sponsored by a group called Common Ground (www.cg.org). The meeting was led by a fellow named Jim Kenny, a thoughtful, honest liberal, not the type to pass on fake documents like Dan Rather. Still, I got the feeling in this room of 150 people that I was a defiant stehpinkler. Mr. Kenney laid out seven reasons to explain why the rest of the world — specifically, the Muslim world — professes a deep hatred for America: - Our power, wealth and "hegemony."
- Our "anti-democratic policies."
- "Globalization."
- Our "uncritical support for Israel."
- Our "arrogance, jingoism and Americanism."
- Islamism and anti-Americanism.
- George W. Bush.
Well, let me say a few things.
On Point No. 1, the reason we have so much power and wealth is that we are free and capitalist. We don't put undue burdens on our businesspeople.
| We're good dancers because we don't put one foot in a bucket. |
Hey, Sweden, try it sometime. If you were an American state, your economy would rank just five rungs from the bottom — down there with Mississippi.
| ... only without the good hunti'... |
On Points 2 and 7, do I really have to remind the Left that the only democratic nation in the Middle East is Israel? On the other hand, every single Muslim nation in the world (there are more than 20) is run by a dictator. And now we're supposed to take lessons from the Muslim nations about democracy? Isn't that kind of 
stupid?
| Isn't the whole list ... stoopid? |
On Point No. 3, I never have figured out what globalization is anyway. I think it means you can find a Dunkin' Donuts shop in the capital of Pakistan. I once read a story by someone complaining about this state of affairs. Listen. I had no idea there was a Dunkin' Donuts in Pakistan in the first place. What are you hating me for? I didn't put it there. I care what Pakistanis eat exactly as much as Pakistanis care what Americans eat. If the rest of the world doesn't want Dunkin' Donuts in their midst, they should just 
not 
go 
there!
| But there's the real problem, isn't it? Common folk (like all of us) need someone to tell them not to go there. If we're so presumtuous as to disobey the order not to go there, we need someone to kill us, or at least (this being Europe we're discussing) incarcerate us. |
Another reason the anti-globalists love to hate us is that TV show "Baywatch." You know the whine — we unsophisticated Americans are shoving our beach bimbos on the rest of the world.
| ... and the rest of the world can't seem to take their eyes of the titties... |
To which I say: You know, the reason "Baywatch" is on the air around the world is that a lot of non-Americans thought they could make money by offering the show to their countrymen. And what do you know? They were right. "Baywatch" was once the most popular show in 130 different nations. If you don't like that, well, why don't you do what I do? Let me spell it out: Don't 
watch 
it!
That's right. "Baywatch" was on the air in America from 1990-2001, and I never watched one single episode.
| Shucks. That's the same number of episodes I watched. |
In sum, I saw little logic in the Tinley Park meeting and lots of emotion, navel-gazing and Oprah moments. "My God, what's going to end the world first? Global warming or 'Baywatch'?" Oh, spare me.
| Makes your head ache, rolling your eyes like that, dunnit? I've got a permanent headache... |
Readers, let me clue you in. There is one reason the rest of the world hates us, and it is really simple: Envy.
| And to the rest of the world I reply: "Thhhhppp!" |
They figure that if they can't do something, Americans shouldn't be allowed to do it either. You can go along with that thinking if you want to. I'm not. That's why I voted for George Bush. Here America stands. |