Richard Cohen
 Alchemy is the purported science of turning base metals into gold. It does not exist. Political alchemy is the ability to turn hard failures into gossamer triumphs. It does exist. The inauguration of President Bush for a second term proves it.
| Gosh, Richard! Did your guy lose, by chance? |
The President, of course, does not see it that way. He proclaims himself at the top of his game: ruler of the free world, liberator of Iraq and magnificent chief of the Grand Old Party.
| I don't think he sees himself as "ruler of the free world." Republicans don't "rule" people. They "govern" them, and his writ certainly doesn't extend to the entire Free World. And he did liberate Iraq. The guys who were in charge before, and the nasty neighbors on all sides are trying to negate that, but he dunnit, and he's glad. And if he's not chief of the Grand Old Party, then what is he? |
Most important, in his view, is that his view is shared by the American people.
| Better'n 50 percent of us, at least... |
His reelection was no mere mandate, since, you will recall, he claimed that the last time, when he scratched out a win in Florida by only several hundred votes. No, this victory is a mandate of Rooseveltian dimensions. With precisely this sort of self-assurance, Napoleon crowned himself Emperor of France.
| And with precisely this sort of self-assurance, Roosevelt... uhhh... didn't. |
In reality, Bush's view of the American people is not shared by the American people.
| It is by the ones who voted for him. More people than voted for Kerry, I might point out, again... |
In fact, a recent Washington Post-ABC News poll found Bush with what you might call a negative mandate. Only 45% said they wanted the country to go in the direction Bush wants, and on Iraq - the No. 1 issue for most Americans - 58% disapproved of the way he has handled what to him is a grand triumph.
| But still they voted for him. More than voted for Kerry, in fact. Better'n 50 percent, Richard. We won. You lost. Are those grapes kinda sour? |
The 60-day war is now in its second year, and the chorus of those urging a pullout grows louder and louder. Even former Mayor Ed Koch says it's time for the U.S. "to declare victory and ... bring our troops home." Koch, a Democrat who supported Bush's reelection, also supported the war and, oddly, still does. Still, he wants out.
| As soon as the Bad Guyz are under control, we can leave. |
Koch's position may seem inconsistent, but it's consistent with a kind of inconsistency writ large.
| That's just the sort of meaningless statement Dems love, isn't it? It sounds so profound, yet there's no substance to it, naught but a bit of fluff and a slight whiff of bullpoop... |
The war in Iraq is a debacle, and yet Bush talks about it as if it were going swimmingly.
| The war in Iraq is hard-fought, against a vicious and tenacious enemy that stands against everything we hold dear... |
His original aims have been amended a bit - now it's a grand march toward Middle East democracy.
| That's why it's so hard-fought, Richard. He's against everything the fascists and the holy men and the murderers hold dear, which is their own power. |
Daily, Americans are losing their lives for ... well, it's hard to say. A Shiite majority? Sunni participation in the election? An autonomous Kurdish state? All of these, without question, are issues that have long transfixed the people of Omaha and other cities in America, and for which they gladly have sacrificed their sons and daughters.
| It's not that hard to say, not if you pay attention. Daily, Americans are losing their lives fighting against head-chopping, boom-loving fascists in turbans, trying to bring to Iraq something approaching the level of individual freedom enjoyed by Greece or Turkey or Armenia. |
The cover of Mad magazine used to show a picture of a smiling Alfred E. Neuman and ask, "What, me worry?" Bush has the same perplexing affect: Why? Iraq aside - and, really, that's not possible - are there other areas where the administration has done so well that you can say it explains Bush's smile? The economy? Hardly. It's okay - not really terrific and not bad, either. It is, though, the recipient of huge and reckless tax cuts that have spread cash like Tinkerbell does fairy dust. The result has been a burgeoning national debt that can be paid off only if space exploration discovers a planet of suckers willing to buy U.S. bonds. Is the universe that big?
| That the economy's doing so well is quite an accomplishment, given the fact that we're at war. War is expensive, and our enemies are daily trying to batter us on the economic front. Bought any gasoline lately? Heat your home with oil? It's not only soldiers who fight wars, Richard... |
Could it be education? Hardly. No Child Left Behind is a nifty slogan and maybe a good idea, but it is not the sort of thing that gets Presidents on Mount Rushmore. Conservation? Are you mad? Agriculture? You jest.
| Don't have any specifics on his sins in those areas, huh? |
Maybe it's the way we've been able to stop nuclear proliferation or the way America is now respected around the world, particularly in Muslim countries. Sorry. Just kidding.
| Lemme see, here. Libya's hopped off the nuclear bandwagon. The A.Q. Khan ring has been broken up and Pakland hopefully scared away from Great Gaming nuclear weapons for a few years. Nuclear war between India and Pakistan has been averted twice in the past three and a half years. Rather than ignoring North Korea's dabbling in radioactives we're actively putting pressure on them. And we'll probably go to war with Iran over their own nuclear peccadillos. Respected around the world? Oderint dum metuant, Richard. Those are the countries that have declared war on us, or at least significant proportions of their populations regard themselves as being on that side. So I'd be a little less concerned about whether they like us and a bit more concerned over how many of them are driving boom mobiles... |
Bush's unsurpassing achievement has been to make fantasy seem like reality and failure seem like success. He strides the world stage, a genuine smile on his face and a false mandate in his pocket. Behold the gold! What, you don't see it? No matter. Washington does.
| Richard's, and beside him the Democrats', unsurpassing achievement has been to denigrate the very real accomplishments of a man who'll probably be regarded as one of our better presidents fifty or a hundred years from now. I find it comforting that fifty or a hundred years from now Richard Cohen will be long forgotten. |
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