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Home Front: Culture Wars
Joke-telling genitals don't get free-speech protection
2005-05-16
Quick! Somebody warn Michael Moore!
Judges reject cable TV show host's free-speech defense
A penis that tells jokes on late night public access television may be expressive of something. But it is not the kind of free expression protected by the First Amendment, the Michigan Court of Appeals has decided, confirming the indecent exposure conviction of the show's producer and host.
"Hello, Grand Rapids! This is my doinker speaking!"
They must've been really, really bad jokes...
"Shuddup, doinker!"
Timothy Huffman, 47, who lives north of Grand Rapids, was convicted in Kent County after the penis episode aired twice in spring 2000 on the Grand Rapids public access cable channel GRTV. In affirming the conviction in an opinion released Wednesday, the appeals court said any "incidental restriction" on the First Amendment is "no greater than is essential to the furtherance of the governmental interest in promoting public morality by prohibiting public nudity." Huffman, whose defense was assisted by the American Civil Liberties Union, claimed the three-minute segment, "Dick Smart," was an expression of free speech and not obscene.
He's now known as "Dick Dumb". Or "Dick in the Can". And how'd you like to be the ACLU clown that caught this one?
Reached at his home Wednesday, Huffman said he is the victim of "a relentless prosecutor."
They rose up against me. They were hard on me. They just keep coming and coming. That's the meat of my case.
"In the end, they left me hanging, drained..."
"I'm truly trying to stand up for the constitution. It's a matter of principle," he said.
It's right there. See. Thomas Jefferson, "Thou shalt not infringe upon thy talking johnson..."
Huffman, an unemployed musician-cook who is the father of five children, said he'd been targeted for prosecution because he has a criminal record and lacked the resources to defend himself.
An unemployed musician-cook? Can you believe that...
I'm assuming "fry cook" here, and "not so hot" musician. And I'm assuming the conviction had something to do with airing out his gennies...
"We asked them in court, 'Why don't you prosecute 'Schindler's List'? It has nudity,' " Huffman said. "And they said to me, 'You're no Steven Spielberg.'
You're an unemployed musician-cook. And "Schindler's List" wasn't about a talking dick.
"I'm the low-life scapegoat that they can say, 'Look. This is what happens when you put this stuff on Grand Rapids TV.' "
Well at least he admits to being a low-life.
... and that's what happens when talking schlangs invade the teevee most other places. Except San Francisco, of course. There they run for office...
Kent County Assistant Prosecutor Tim McMorrow said Huffman is not being singled out, nor was he charged for expressing himself. "This is really not a First Amendment case," he said.
"It's more... ummm... a tiresome case. Yes, I think that's the word I'm looking for..."
"The First Amendment protects his right to an opinion, not the right to appear naked on TV."
Four years of college, law school, pass my boards. We got guys prosecuting death penalty cases and I'm arguing the Mr. Talking Dick case...
Huffman was sentenced and served one day in jail, one year of probation and was ordered to pay $1,035 in fines and court costs.
...and put that away.
He said he continues to produce the TV show "Tim's Area of Control" on GRTV and a two-hour program that airs in the wee hours of Saturday morning. Huffman said he mostly sticks to adult humor and music. The offensive-talking penis did a form of Rodney Dangerfield-esque comedy. ("Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in the Army, ya know. I didn't do much, ya know what I mean? I just hung around.")
Probably didn't get no respect either. No respect at all...
Huffman said he and the station's then-supervisors believed the program was well within the bounds of free speech protection.
Like, okay, dude. Did you bring your bong, man?
He said he also hoped it would bring in a wider audience: "You need to have something that gets people to stop changing channels," he said. "I thought it would be good exposure... pardon the pun."
Maybe he should've had it speak Spanish. Or juggle...
Huffman said he would seek an appeal to the Michigan Supreme Court.
Have at it, bub. No skin off my fore...
I'll be they're looking forward to it.
In the meantime, he said he also will be going to jail on another conviction, also for indecent exposure, that stemmed from a dispute with a neighbor.
Toldja so.
Huffman said he believed the latest charge was unjust. But, unlike the talking penis, it's not a free-speech case.
Wonder if it was arguing with the neighbor?
Posted by:tu3031

#6  Unfortunately for all of us, he is probably just 15 years ahead of his time. I write this because it is now near impossible to scroll through the channels without encoutering at least one commercial for natural male enhansement.
Posted by: Super Hose   2005-05-16 21:52  

#5  The in-line commentary is awesome! Kudos to tu and Fred! My face hurts from laughing so hard, lol!

*standing ovation*
Posted by: .com   2005-05-16 17:54  

#4  I think the talking penis gag was first used in the movie "The Groove Tube", back in the 1970s. And for a while there, not too long ago, there was a traveling show with three guys who did a "Penis Puppet Show". I guess the bottom line is that your jokes have to be *good* to get First Amendment protection. For example, he wouldn't have been prosecuted if there had been *two* penii doing the "Who's on First" routine, or if he could do impersonations like Rich Little.
Posted by: Anonymoose   2005-05-16 16:16  

#3  LOL!
Posted by: Shipman   2005-05-16 15:49  

#2  Talking penis' monologue cut off

by Lorena Bobbit

A penis that tells jokes on late night public access television may be expressive of something. . . .
Posted by: Mike   2005-05-16 13:19  

#1  Ok, the LAST thing I want to see at 2am is somebody's wanker. Especially if he is playing with it.
Posted by: mmurray821   2005-05-16 12:42  

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