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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| JoeBob: I just watched Troy, er, I mean Shit We Just Made Up |
| 2005-07-03 |
| Last night, at 8:00 PM, and again at 3:30 AM, Pacific, HBO ran the movie Troy. I watched it both times. While it was a pretty good adventure flic, with no redeeming value bad guys, near perfect good guys, guys who thought with their little head instead of their big head, guys who were impervious to pain, guys who were impervious to direction (that's only a guess, heh), guys who won that should've lost (a modern Hollyweird favorite thingy), guys who lost when they should've won (same same), guys who are slavishly loyal, guys who are independent minded, and chix who are all of the above, as well - just a lot easier to look at, IMHO, it just didn't have diddley-squat to do with the source material. Save the period costumes and the names, it was actually "shit we just made up". I don't much mind pure fiction, mind you, it can be fun, it can be great. But make it clear it's just that, "shit we just made up" - don't call it Troy. I was actually quite surprised that it played so well, even if the storyline was jarring as hell due to inaccuracies, but that's prolly cuz my expectations were seriously subterranean after Alexander. What was the name of that kid? You know, the one whose career was permanently tanked by taking direction from Ollie Stone? He wasn't really so bad in the little telephone booth thingy. Ah well, such is life in Hollyweird. Meet Ollie, kiss career goodbye, but enjoy the "A" List parties while the invites come in. Anyway, Hollyweird should just start naming every movie "shit we just made up" and tag on a number (chronologically assigned, I guess, by F.A.G.). It'll play hell with IMDB, think binary tree with no branches, lol, but it'd be more honest, and you know what? We'd get used to it. Troy: Lots of heads roll. No breasts, but there were healthy humps and buttery buttocks. Gratuitous gladiator-style slaughter. Achilles demonstrated ninja-style gladiator-style combat. Paris was both a pussy and a prick. Hermaphrodite rating. JoeBob says 3 stars, check it out. |
| Posted by:.com |
| #5 the guy (Eric Bana)that played Hector was excellent and was considered as the next James Bond |
| Posted by: Frank G 2005-07-03 21:38 |
| #4 I watched it too. While it was entertaining (and I'm sure Brad Pitt going naked was a real chick pleaser), I 'd have to say it was the most confusing historical movie epic of all time (of course, I ain't seen Alexander yet, so the title is still up for grabs). Some spoilers ahead - First off, they kill Meneleus on the third day of the invasion although I recall that he got Helen and went back to Sparta (and the story starts off at the port of Sparta - guess some upheavals occurred later on to move Sparta more to the center of the Pelopennesia). Then they off Ajax (who was a rather cool guy in the movie) on the same day. Then Hector buys it a couple of days later. After 12 days of funeral games, Troy is sacked. I sat there thinking - Huh? What happened to the 10 years of siege? What happened to Cassandra (what kind of screenwriter could pass up mad prophetess who no one believes)? Where's Diomedes? Why'd the miss the opportunity for Ajax to go mad (really, the guy they got to do this part would have been really cool at it)? Then I saw the end titles and it was "inspired" by Homer. Well, it was an okay movie (not that I'd ever see it in a theater) but it sure shows that Hollywood can't make a historical epic anymore that hovers close to the actual truth. And directed by Wolfgang Peterson too - must not have had any say in the script. At least they got the wooden horse in there and Aeneas too. davemac |
| Posted by: Ebbavitle Glereling2593 2005-07-03 21:01 |
| #3 Oops - he was at the Dallas Times Herald - which was |
| Posted by: .com 2005-07-03 13:02 |
| #2 Well, Ship, JoeBob Briggs is alive and well - and online, of course. He was a columnist at the Dallas Morning News (real name: John Bloom) and his coverage of the 'Publican Convention in Dallas, way back when, was one of the most hysterical collections of columns I've ever read. His photo at the top of the column was the back of his head wearing a babseball cap. Classic JB. The guy is so fast on his feet and funny that he could pull off most any gig. I'm kinda sorry he stuck on the JoeBob character - it's pretty one-dimensional. I met him numerous times back in the day my Ex was a reporter. |
| Posted by: .com 2005-07-03 12:56 |
| #1 What ever happened to JoeBob Biggs? Is he still syndicating his Drive-in movie review column? |
| Posted by: Shipman 2005-07-03 12:06 |