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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Carburetor breast fantasy wins bad writing contest
2005-08-01
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A Microsoft analyst has won an annual contest celebrating bad writing by comparing fixing carburetors to fondling a woman's breasts.
I'm not surprised someone from Microsoft won a bad writing contest, I'm only surpried it wasn't for one of their support manuals.
"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual," went Dan McKay's winning entry in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.
I'll never look at a Triumph the same way again
McKay, 43, of North Dakota was said by organizers on Thursday to be visiting China "perhaps to escape notoriety for his dubious literary achievement." He wins $250.

The California San Jose State University contest challenges entrants to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels and has attracted entries from around the world for 23 years. It was inspired by 19th century novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, who opened his 1830 novel "Paul Clifford" with the now immortal words, "It was a dark and stormy night." San Jose State English Professor Scott Rice said that judging the contest "is a hoot." "By and large the entries are submitted by serious readers who have a notion about what is good and bad writing. That is what is heartening," Rice said.

In a contest that now has several sub categories, the winner in the children's literature section was sent in by Shelby Leung of New South Wales, Australia.

"The woods were all a-twitter with rumors that the Seven Dwarves were planning a live reunion after their attempted solo careers had dismally sputtered into Z-list oblivion and it was all just a matter of meeting a ten-page list of outlandish demands (including 700-threadcount Egyptian cotton bedsheets, lots of white lilies and a separate trailer for the magic talking mirror) to get the Princess Formerly Known As Snow White on board."
Posted by:Steve

#7  Exactly why is "It was a dark and stormy night" bad writing?

I have always wondered this myself. I use to think it was because "dark...night" is redundant, but if you know anything at all about nights, you know that some are darker than others.

In any case, the real reason it's considered bad writing is because the full opening sentence is this: "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

A bit prolix, that.
Posted by: Angie Schultz   2005-08-01 22:42  

#6  sum purdee gud wunz heer. :)
Posted by: muck4doo   2005-08-01 15:35  

#5  Exactly why is

"It was a dark and stormy night"

bad writing ?

It worked for Snoopy, dinnit ?
Posted by: Carl in N.H.   2005-08-01 15:31  

#4  Imn show in next year. Already go a working title, and that's key you know.

Lucas Love: Things to do in the Dark With Yur Sockets.
Posted by: Shipman   2005-08-01 14:09  

#3  Princess Formerly Known As Snow White on board."

:)
Posted by: muck4doo   2005-08-01 13:56  

#2  PFKASW?
Posted by: Mike   2005-08-01 13:43  

#1  PFKASW - LMAO!
Posted by: Dar   2005-08-01 13:00  

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