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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Man’s testicles snared in a padlock for two weeks |
| 2005-08-08 |
| Ouch. BRENTWOOD - The "family jewels" of one Brentwood man recently were locked up for two weeks - literally. On Saturday, July 30, at about 3:40 a.m., Brentwood police assisted ambulance and rescue personnel with a 39-year-old man with a padlock on his testicles. Ummmmmm...say again, Unit 1? According to police, the man, who police are not identifying, was intoxicated when they arrived on scene. You would hope so... The man reported that the padlock had been on his testicles for two weeks. Cpl. H.D. Wood IV said the man reported that a friend put the lock on his testicles. He was allegedly severely intoxicated and passed out. He told police that when he woke up the padlock was placed around top his scrotum and his friend was gone. Hello? Yes. I'm drunk and my friend padlocked my balls two weeks ago. Think you can help me out? "Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Wood said. That doesn't surprise me... The man reported to police that he allegedly attempted to remove the padlock with a hacksaw after the key broke off inside the lock. He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith was called to remove the lock. There's a story that'll keep the free beers coming to that locksmith for the rest of his life. The hospital reported that the man was treated and released without sustaining lasting injury. Hey, ya want the lock? You know, for a souvenier? The Brentwood Fire Department would not comment on the incident, citing patient confidentiality. But we'll remember the guy, believe you me... The motive for the incident is still undetermined, police said. But from now on, remember boys and girls... BOOZE AND PADLOCKS ARE A BAD COMBINATION! "At this point we are not sure if it was a prank, or if it was an intentional act, or something done during a sexual act," Wood said. Stick with the gerbils, boys... The incident is under investigation. ...because we don't have a choice. |
| Posted by:tu3031 |
| #19 Send him to Canada as best man to the wedding of the 2 "we're not gay" dudes. |
| Posted by: john 2005-08-08 18:52 |
| #18 LOL Hyper! |
| Posted by: Shipman 2005-08-08 17:03 |
| #17 "Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Wood said." Sending a 13 year old named "Wood" was NOT the right decision in this case... |
| Posted by: Hyper 2005-08-08 16:31 |
| #16 Prolly one of those tiny chinese padlocks... |
| Posted by: DanNY 2005-08-08 16:08 |
| #15 Poor locksmith. |
| Posted by: hey mo 2005-08-08 15:52 |
| #14 Shrinkage |
| Posted by: Poulan 2005-08-08 15:50 |
| #13 "Since when does the FIRE DEPARTMENT get to cite "patient confidentiality"?" If they were called or acted in a medical capacity (rescue squad, as opposed to firefighting), they do have to abide by patient confidentiality, mojo. Doesn't stop them from having the laugh of the century back at the station house, though. :-D |
| Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2005-08-08 15:48 |
| #12 Since when does the FIRE DEPARTMENT get to cite "patient confidentiality"? Lots of doctors putting out fires in LA county, are there? |
| Posted by: mojo 2005-08-08 15:32 |
| #11 Blue steel. Blue Balls. Sawzall or hack saw, It still doesn't feel very good at all. I broke the key, Now all shall see. Oh, if only he had used a combination. |
| Posted by: Zpaz 2005-08-08 13:36 |
| #10 I guess this is what they mean by, "Wierd Animal Stories". |
| Posted by: BigEd 2005-08-08 13:02 |
| #9 padlocks...why do they hate us? |
| Posted by: Frank G 2005-08-08 12:58 |
| #8 On the next episode of Springer... |
| Posted by: Elmuck Unavimble1883 2005-08-08 11:49 |
| #7 "Hold my beer! Watch this!" "Bob's passed out. Lets see, we've shaved his head, put his hand in a dish of warm water, and taken silly pictures of him, what's next?" |
| Posted by: Steve 2005-08-08 11:27 |
| #6 So what are the odds that someone, at some time during this escapade, said "Hold my beer! Watch this!!!"? |
| Posted by: Sgt. Mom 2005-08-08 11:06 |
| #5 If you..........then, you might be a Redneck. |
| Posted by: Poison Reverse 2005-08-08 10:18 |
| #4 So, um, did he like stay drunk for the whole two weeks? I'm confused, heh. But not as much as the guy with his stuff in stir. |
| Posted by: .com 2005-08-08 10:14 |
| #3 That poor, innocent padlock... *sniff* Why? Why, God, why?! |
| Posted by: Dar 2005-08-08 10:10 |
| #2 allegedly attempted to remove the padlock with a hacksaw Just thinking about the logistics of what is involved here makes me cringe. And don't even bring up a Dremel tool. |
| Posted by: Steve 2005-08-08 09:38 |
| #1 LOL |
| Posted by: God Save The World 2005-08-08 09:23 |