(2006-01-28) — Hamas yesterday took responsibility for its victory in Palestinian parliamentary elections, a political bombshell that reverberated around the world.

“We are a very responsible party,” said an unnamed Hamas spokesman from behind a dark veil, “The Palestinian people trust us because we are always taking responsibility.”

The source said Hamas has been responsible for reducing crowding at public shopping and entertainment venues, decreasing global warming by taking greenhouse gas-producing city buses out of service and widening the openings at border crossings between Israel and the Palestinian territory.

“We also have done our part responsibly to prevent overpopulation,” he said. “We are now ready to take responsibility for governing the Islamic Republic of Palestine and its nearby Zionist territory.”