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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Australian Army hunting 'Donkey Dong'
2006-02-22
From the YCMTSU file.
AUSTRALIAN military police are hunting for a well endowed serial flasher nicknamed "Donkey Dong" who is terrorising underwear salespeople. The supposedly well-endowed flasher, who wears army uniform, has been labelled "Donkey Dong" by some city retailers.

Several clothing and sporting retail outlets in the Mitchell Centre have been targeted over the past six months by the unidentified pervert, who calls shop assistants into the change room to see if his tight underwear "fits". MPs have obtained surveillance footage from several businesses to see if they can determine the identity of the culprit or rule out that he belongs to the military.

The most recent retail outlet to be targeted by the mysterious flasher received a visit on Valentine's Day. "I thought it was one of my mates having a joke on me because we sometimes send each other fat-o-grams or something on Valentine's Day when he called me in to the changing room and I saw it," the shop assistant said. "He has been in here four times and apparently he always tries on the same pair of red undies. I didn't really know what to say when he asked me if I thought they fitted him.

"It looks real and it's so big, it winds all the way down his leg and I wasn't sure what to do so I just went and got him a bigger pair.

"He got really nervous and was peeking out from the curtain.

"We call him Donkey Dong in here. He never buys anything and walks out saying that everything in the shop is too small for him."

Another favourite form of clothing for the serial flasher is bicycle pants, which reveal him in all his glory. One retailer who outfitted the man with a pair of bicycle pants recently said he revealed himself to her. After getting a good look, she believes the serial flasher may be using a stocking to fake his credentials. "It fell out of his pants and he said, `That's so embarrassing, it happens all the time'," she said.

A Department of Defence spokesman yesterday confirmed military police have spoken to retailers and are analysing surveillance footage to try to identify the man.
Posted by:phil_b

#8  My hometown police were terribly frustrated by a flasher they knew solely as "HIM!" For six months the guy had been regularly exposing himself, and the only description the still gape-jawed witnesses could give an hour later was that HE was "...a white male, about 40 years old."

Nobody ever looked up.

One day, a little girl called the police and said she knew where the flasher lived. Perhaps 15 police cars raced to the scene of some condos, only to annoyingly find that HE wasn't home. So two uniforms and two plainclothes cops remained behind in HIS condo to await HIS return.

Later that day, John Q. Smith came home after a hard day at the office, only wanting to crap out in front of his teevee, with a can of beer and a teevee dinner. Little did he know that his evening was instead going to be filled with much highly charged entertainment.

Late that evening, the police discovered that the little girl happened to know Mr Smith, and that he was a white man about 40 years old, leading her to assume, incorrectly, that he was the flasher. By then, this information was of little use to Mr Smith. However, they did then grudgingly see fit to release him to the custody of his sofa, with only a philosophical warning, half-mumbled under their breath, on general principals.

Perhaps two years later, a policeman confessed that they never did capture HIM, that HIS merciless and brutal assaults on societies' underappreciation for grotesquely enlarged body parts has spontaneously ended, and that HE had never been heard from again.

He speculated that HE, who he had informally renamed "Sabu, the elephant boy", had eventually returned to India, to be reunited with his elephantine bretheren, in a place where his trunk could dangle wild and free, as nature intended.
Posted by: Anonymoose   2006-02-22 11:23  

#7  Just remember it's not the size of the wand that pulls the rabbit out of the hat, but the magic that it performs.
Posted by: Nimble Spemble   2006-02-22 10:02  

#6  Damn, Mr. Phil_b, don't twist the blade in the wound, will ya!? ;-)
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-02-22 09:47  

#5  A5089, you might have missed my observation of yesterday.
Posted by: phil_b   2006-02-22 09:45  

#4  Definitely a candidate for the point and laugh maneuver.
Posted by: trailing wife   2006-02-22 09:33  

#3  Jeez. Every time I go underwear shopping, it becomes national news.
Posted by: ed   2006-02-22 07:35  

#2  If I had the same remarkable physical characteristics as that man... well, I wouldn't bother underwear salespeople... no... I would strip myself buttnaked, cover my body with olive oil, and then run wildly in the streets of the nearest big city, chazing terrified wimmen of all ages around, while screaming madly :

"REVENGE!!!".
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-02-22 07:34  

#1  he revealed himself to her. After getting a good look, she believes the serial flasher may be using a stocking to fake his credentials

wannabe
Posted by: too true   2006-02-22 07:31  

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