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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Police: Man Fled With Severed Body Part
2006-02-24
...and, nope, it wasn't a finger
MCKEESPORT: Authorities are now investigating a strange incident in McKeesport. Someone brought a severed male body part to a Get-Go to heat up in the microwave, and now police are trying to find the culprit.
Calling all cars...calling all cars. Be on the lookout for a steaming johnson...
McKeesport Police say a man walked into the store, located on Fifth Avenue, and asked the clerk to use the microwave oven. After the clerk noticed a strange smell coming from the microwave, she told police she opened the door and discovered human male genitalia wrapped in a paper towel cooking inside.
Hey, buddy, you gonna want mustard on this?
McKeesport police told KDKA the man fled with the severed body part after she made the discovery. She then called the police.
Gimmee that! That's mine!!!
Some people were shocked at the news.
Ya think?
“I mean what can you say. Hopefully, they’re looking for the person who it belongs to,” said Sandy Furman of McKeesport.
I mean, like, he might be wanting it back...
One man told KDKA he wasnÂ’t surprised by what happened.
Why? Does this happens a lot around McKeesport?
"I think that's the one they ought to look for - the one who may be hurt," said Denny Adler, of McKeesport. "It's shocking that I'm not (surprised). It's just the nature of the beast."
Denny Adler: The Sage of McKeesport.
Authorities are now trying to find the man who fled the store.
I see some overtime for CSI:McKeesport.
When drinking in full regalia,
Sometimes your memory will fail ya,
But this man woke up thinking,
"I must really have been drinking,
I've gone and misplaced my genitalia!"
Posted by:tu3031

#5  Sounds like the microwave got the shaft...

(OUCH - hey somebody had to say it!)
Posted by: Hyper   2006-02-24 17:43  

#4  ...and more good news.

Giant Eagle, the company that owns Get-Go, says the microwave involved in the incident was immediately removed from service and will be discarded.
Posted by: tu3031   2006-02-24 15:26  

#3  The Above Poem Must Be Heard
Posted by: I. B. DePrimate   2006-02-24 13:59  

#2  Move it along. Nothing to see here but stupid people...

This just in...

McKeesport Police Uncover Twist In Bizarre Case

(KDKA) McKeesport ThereÂ’s a new twist in an extremely bizzare story out of McKeesport.
Police had been investigating a report that a customer handed a clerk a severed penis to heat up in the storeÂ’s microwave.

Investigators have since learned that it was not a real body part; but instead, it was part of a coupleÂ’s alleged plan to pass a drug test.
Oh, wow, man...
According to McKeesportÂ’s police chief, a man and a woman had inserted urine into a fake penis that the woman was planning to use to pass a drug test.
One of them then went into the store and asked the clerk to microwave the object, which they had wrapped in a paper towel, so the urine could reach body temperature.

Like could you warm up my Whizzinator, man?
When the clerk noticed an unusual odor, she unwrapped the item to discover what she thought was a severed body part.
Upon hearing media reports about the incident, the couple contacted police to explain the situation.
Ummmmmm...like, it ain't real, man. Can I, like, go now?
The police chief told KDKA the couple will likely face charges.
Were Beavis and Butthead from McKeesport?
Posted by: tu3031   2006-02-24 12:38  

#1  Then as I walked down Second Avenue toward St. Mark's Place
Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street
I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it
I had to buy it off him
He wanted 22 bucks but I talked him down to 17
I took it home
Washed it off
And put it back on
I was happy again

Was there a King Missile concert in Pittsburgh recently?
Posted by: IG-88   2006-02-24 11:27  

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