What about the women's bikini snowboarding team?
| Submit your comments on this article | |
| Home Front: Culture Wars | |
| The World Will End In Three Months | |
| 2006-04-03 | |
| (Press release and shameless plug) UFO CULT GATHERS IN NEW YORK FOR APOCALYPSE CLEVELAND, Ohio, April 3, 2006: The Church of the SubGenius has announced that the end of the world will take place on Tuesday, July 5, 2005. In preparation for the fulfillment of this doomsday prophecy, the Church is requesting that all of its members participate in a bizarre religious ceremony taking place in upstate New York, during the final weekend before the arrival of the apocalypse. Since its inception in 1953, Church founder J.R. "Bob" Dobbs has predicted that a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the SubGenius, while all ordained SubGenius ministers will be rescued by escape vessels piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists. The Church is inviting all of its members worldwide to gather together for the final hours in Sherman, New York from July 1 to July 5, at a clothing-optional outdoor campground called Brushwood Folklore Center. The first gathering at this compound took place in 1996, and the event has increased in size and participants each following year. 1998 was designated the first true "X-Day," and each successive year has added one to the total. This year's celebration in 2005 is X-Day 8, or X-Day VIII. The Church has been engaged in a massive recruitment campaign to increase the numbers of its membership before the arrival of the Xists. According to Church records, the organization currently has approximately 100,000 members worldwide. SubGenius recruitment has been especially dedicated among the ranks of people who refuse to conform to the norms of society, including disbelievers, blasphemers, pranksters, rebels, hackers, pornographers, geeks, and outcasts. The Church is seeking performers and producers from the adult entertainment industry in particular, because sexual freedom has been an important part of Church doctrine from the start. X-Day will be a celebration of pornography and adult entertainment, and certain parts of the event will be restricted to adults only. Only ordained ministers of the Church of the SubGenius are allowed at the event, but the Church is accepting memberships at its standard rate of $30 up until the final hours of July 4. The Church of the SubGenius has been no stranger to controversy since its foundation, and the upcoming X-Day celebration promises to be no different. In the late 1980s, members of the Church were accused of spreading a virus in Macintosh computers known as the "Peace Virus." Numerous articles have been written on the Church in such noteworthy publications as the New York Times, Washington Post, Wired Online, Boston Globe, U.S. News and World Report; and broadcast reports have been produced by CNN and NPR. In April 1999, officials of the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts shut down an official SubGenius Devival gathering in the belief that the Church was affiliated with the Trenchcoat Mafia (the organization blamed for the Columbine high school shootings), though authorities later realized the association was mistaken. In its January 1, 2000 issue, a Time magazine poll declared J.R. "Bob" Dobbs the biggest fraud of the 20th century. In addition, a new controversy took place in the early months of 2006 when one of the Church's highest level initiates, Reverend Magdalen, came into conflict with the United States legal system. She found her religious affiliations questioned in court, and her case has become a cause celebre for free speech advocates nationwide. This case has been covered in Boing Boing, Fark, The Wild Hunt, and Wikinews (Wikipedia's news reporting service). Detailed information about X-Day can be found on the World Wide Web at the X-Day Web site.
| |
| Posted by:Anonymoose |
| #31 ROFL!!! Wonderful video! LOL! |
| Posted by: Glosing Hupesh7946 2006-04-03 23:59 |
| #30 SubGenius Instructional Video You must watch it. |
| Posted by: 3dc 2006-04-03 23:53 |
| #29 No, Joe...hold on there...Helen and Hillary do not qualify... |
| Posted by: Frank G 2006-04-03 23:07 |
| #28 Time to grab a chick, any chick or chicks, even Helen Thomas or Hillary, plus pet dog, and run/head to the hills. |
| Posted by: JosephMendiola 2006-04-03 23:06 |
| #27 it's a cyclical thang |
| Posted by: Frank G 2006-04-03 22:39 |
| #26 "The World Will End In Three Months" What, again? |
| Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2006-04-03 22:35 |
| #25 you're a Dr.? Or just stayed in a Holiday Inn Express? |
| Posted by: Frank G 2006-04-03 21:51 |
| #24 Good lord guys! Get the tin foil hats back on. Everyone knows the end of the world is June 6th and the aliens promised to take Me and Tracy Lords, as well as 500 strippers to their planet! Geeez get it right, and skip the anal probe stuff! LOL!!! |
| Posted by: 49 pan 2006-04-03 21:50 |
| #23 Knock off the JD a bit, down to a quart a day or so, and maybe you won't have these anxieties about being cornholed by aliens... |
| Posted by: Dave D. 2006-04-03 21:45 |
| #22 I'm not |
| Posted by: Art Bell 2006-04-03 21:40 |
| #21 even I'm LOL |
| Posted by: Frank G 2006-04-03 21:39 |
| #20 LOL |
| Posted by: Dave D. 2006-04-03 21:19 |
| #19 Frank don't drawl no more -- he's got AutoCAD now. |
| Posted by: Very SubGenius 2006-04-03 21:05 |
| #18 I see strange lights at night, DD |
| Posted by: Frank G 2006-04-03 21:02 |
| #17 "....and why do they always anally probe older single men with drinking problems and drawls?" You sound worried, Frank. |
| Posted by: Dave D. 2006-04-03 20:56 |
| #16 sorry RD - I just report it as I hear it |
| Posted by: Frank G 2006-04-03 20:43 |
| #15 Rjschwartz: I don't know if that's true, but it may be a reporting bias rather than an actual reduction in the number of UFO's (even if they exist); I don't know if you really follow the fringe UFO sites, but some of them were very fast and vehement to jump on the conspiracy theories about 9/11. (There's one in particular I won't mention that basically devolved into nonstop antisemitic frothing-at-the-mouth). (And the less I say about Alex Jones or David Icke the happier we'll all be, I suspect). |
| Posted by: Phil 2006-04-03 20:05 |
| #14 Frank, STOP with the visuals!! ferchristeaks its close to suppertime! |
| Posted by: RD 2006-04-03 20:03 |
| #13 what about the number of abductions and anal probes? (.....and why do they always anally probe older single men with drinking problems and drawls?) |
| Posted by: Frank G 2006-04-03 19:58 |
| #12 I think the SubGeniuses have got it wrong (as a subgenius would be wont to do). The aliens are comming to obliterate them from earth. And what a good bunch to select. This year, last year - if they can get their press release right - what does it matter? |
| Posted by: Thinemp Whimble2412 2006-04-03 19:16 |
| #11 I read an interesting statistic once that showed the number of UFO sitings pretty much dropped to near zero after Sept 11. Folks had real issues to fill their nightmares rather than delusions of little green men. |
| Posted by: rjschwarz 2006-04-03 18:52 |
| #10 Sure it's not June 6, 2006? |
| Posted by: Jules 2006-04-03 18:30 |
| #9 Well, guess I don't need to worry about that balloon payment on my mortgage. |
| Posted by: Mike 2006-04-03 17:33 |
| #8 :> SM |
| Posted by: 6 2006-04-03 16:30 |
| #7 Can I drive my Fnord there? |
| Posted by: Secret Master 2006-04-03 16:01 |
| #6 DV: What about the women's bikini snowboarding team? |
| Posted by: BigEd 2006-04-03 15:41 |
| #5 Clothing optional sounds nice .... until you realize they all are old, ugly and/or fat, like most nudist areas. ewwwww..... I call on the Swiss Bikini team to join! |
| Posted by: DarthVader 2006-04-03 15:20 |
| #4 Well, now I'll defintely keep my money... |
| Posted by: tu3031 2006-04-03 15:02 |
| #3 If it's gonna be all over on July 5th, why the hell would I wanna waste thirty bucks to join? |
| Posted by: tu3031 2006-04-03 15:00 |
| #2 The end of the world will take place nine months ago? Holy Shit! |
| Posted by: Mad Mad Mullah 2006-04-03 14:58 |
| #1 Will there be giant floating heads? |
| Posted by: Jonathan 2006-04-03 14:54 |