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| -Short Attention Span Theater- | ||
| Report: Majority Of Americans Unprepared For Apocalypse | ||
| 2006-09-14 | ||
A great one for all you unprepared souls out there! EP
Despite "more than ample warning" for the most likely means of worldwide destruction, less than one million American households have taken even the simplest precautions against nuclear shockwaves, asteroid impact, or a host of angels bearing swords of fire, the study concluded. | ||
| Posted by:Crique Anganter8937 |
| #18 I think the Hordes of Satan have a lot more to worry about than asbestosis. |
| Posted by: Zenster 2006-09-14 23:42 |
| #17 Anti-flaming-angel-sword asbestos shield? Check! Bzzzzt!!! Ahem! Asbestos usage violates a number of EPA regulations as well as international environmental laws. I'm terribly sorry, but that shield simply cannot be allowed in direct contact with either the Legions of Jehovah, Lord God Almighty, or the Hordes of Satan, Lord of the Earth. You have been warned. |
| Posted by: FOTSGreg 2006-09-14 23:22 |
| #16 "The study found that fewer than one thousand Americans regularly monitored space for signs of an approaching hostile alien ship" I'm on it. |
| Posted by: J. D. Lux 2006-09-14 22:27 |
| #15 Oh, and for those who go to church all the time, and your church thinks being gay is okay, or your priests are boinking the alter boys, see you there in the square. Being stuck on stupid is no excuse. Does that include Hinjooos? |
| Posted by: 6 2006-09-14 17:27 |
| #14 Played the Godwin's Law gambit a few too many times? Permit me to introduce you to the new variant: Darwin's "F" Law. Whereby, in any acronym that contains the letter "F", that word will eventually evolve to stand for "F&ck". |
| Posted by: Zenster 2006-09-14 15:23 |
| #13 I'm not afraid of dying... I just don't want to be there when it happens... |
| Posted by: Capsu78 2006-09-14 15:18 |
| #12 LOL, CF... Played the Godwin's Law gambit a few too many times? |
| Posted by: flyover 2006-09-14 14:49 |
| #11 I still have a pair of Asbestos underoos from my Usenet Flamewar days. Does that count? |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2006-09-14 14:42 |
| #10 Don't be silly, Nimble Spemble, Scooter McGruder announced himself as the new Pepto Bismol pink moderator a few days ago. And an appropriate warning he gives, too. |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2006-09-14 14:10 |
| #9 Whoa, the end days are here! Dr. Steve's highlighter is running out of ink. |
| Posted by: Nimble Spemble 2006-09-14 13:16 |
| #8 May I add that 99.9999% of all Americans are not prepared for death. That is unless they are going to hell. Oh, and for those who go to church all the time, and your church thinks being gay is okay, or your priests are boinking the alter boys, see you there in the square. Being stuck on stupid is no excuse. |
| Posted by: wxjames 2006-09-14 13:03 |
| #7 *applause* Zenster. Well done! |
| Posted by: flyover 2006-09-14 12:42 |
| #6 ... the nonpartisan doomsday think-tank The Malthusian Institute. LOL! When those guys are good, they're good. |
| Posted by: xbalanke 2006-09-14 12:06 |
| #5 the simplest precautions against nuclear shockwaves, asteroid impact, or a host of angels bearing swords of fire fireproof suits and extinguishers to deal with volcanic upheaval, solar flares, or the Lord's purifying flame a sudden shift in the Earth's polarity or the eating of the Sun and moon by evil wolves Skol and Hati during Ragnarok a mile-deep, lead-lined subterranean vault built to shield a pre-selected breeding group of humans the average household lacks the 1.2 million gallons of heating oil needed to withstand the prolonged sub-zero temperatures of another protracted Ice Age a torrential rain of boiling blood cantilevered leaden cofferdams for increased earthquake and radiation protection a major gravitational disruption Hoo boy! Where to start with such gem-quality grade material? EMP barrier blanket? Check! Asteroid impact airbag? Check! Anti-flaming-angel-sword asbestos shield? Check! Refractory carbide lava diversion baffles? Check! Ionization proof high reflectivity mirrored solar flare escape booth? Check! Nomex tuxedo to meet with LordÂ’s purifying flame? Check! Polarity shift dampening Faraday cloak? Check! Solunar poisoned wolf bait? Check! Lead-lined salt dome? Check! Genomically pre-selected breeding harem? Check! Two Olympic swimming pools filled with heating oil? Check! High temperature blood-borne pathogen deluge scuba suit? Check! Seismically mounted cantilevered leaden cofferdams in attic? Check! And most important of all Â… Size XXXL Mil-Spec all weather tinfoil hat? Check! |
| Posted by: Zenster 2006-09-14 01:11 |
| #4 Of course you know its Dubya's and only Dubya's fault Jesus was shot down by DHS, NOT the innocents that conspired andor atacked the WTC on 9-11. DHS was "forced" to shoot Christ down - absolutely and undeniably, unequivocaly and only coincidentally, "forced to" they say. |
| Posted by: JosephMendiola 2006-09-14 01:07 |
| #3 "Hosts of angels..." > does this mean the job description of DHS is to shoot down Jesus Christ, etal wid a STANDARD MISSLE, or HELLFIRE from a Global Hawk??? May explain the rider-less winged horse ala FATIMA's notorious THIRD SECRET, which of course sub-explains why GABRIEL has a sword to slice and dice the earth apart like an apple. LIKE A GINSU, GABRIEL, LIKE A GINSU. |
| Posted by: JosephMendiola 2006-09-14 01:03 |
| #2 "Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!" |
| Posted by: borgboy 2006-09-14 00:19 |
| #1 We must prevent a mineshaft gap! |
| Posted by: Eric Jablow 2006-09-14 00:09 |