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Syria-Lebanon-Iran
Khameini: Don't masturbate during Ramadan
2006-10-05
Iran's supreme leader answers questions on masturbation and other topics on his website
Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid, Iranian Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khameini has ruled.
"Go stretching your doinker and you might as well have a ham sammitch and a beer. Same thing."
Khameini, who is Iran's most powerful political and religious figure, was asked on his website: "If somebody masturbates during the month of Ramadan but without any discharge, is his fasting invalidated?"
"If he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and nothing is discharged, his fasting is correct even though he has done a ḥarām (forbidden) act. But, if he intends masturbation or he knows that he usually discharges semen by this process and semen really comes out, it is a ḥaram intentional breaking fasting," the Iranian leader said, posting the reply on his website.
"It's kinda the same thing as breaking your fast during the day, only not chewing. So just forget the whole idea unless there's a holy man involved."
Another reader asked: "Once in the holy month of Ramadan, I forgot to brush my teeth, and some tiny bits of food remained in my mouth. I swallowed the bits unintentionally. Do I have to perform the qaḍa (repent) for that day's fast?"
"If you did not know that some bits of food remained between the teeth, or you did not know that they would reach the throat, and they were swallowed unknowingly and unintentionally, then you are not liable to make (repent) of the fast," said Khameini.
'Drink water while standing'
On the website, Khameini also tells Iranians that only jockeys are permitted to gamble on horse races.
Posted by:.com

#31  (Jesus, regarding self-aggrandizeing and controlling religious leaders, scribes of his time, who were more concerned with the letter than the spirit of God's law)

... do not follow their example. For they preach but they do not practice.
—Matthew 23:2-3

Seems things haven't changed for the Mullahs, and for many preachers of any sort, now that I think about it.
Posted by: Oldspook   2006-10-05 20:28  

#30  Good summation Dave D.

...and people wonder why some of us are leary about Iran attaining a nuclear weapon.

Posted by: Broadhead6   2006-10-05 19:51  

#29  The Iranian leader also told readers they were allowed to "to drink water while standing" at nights

What kind of so-called "god" would give so much as a candy-coated crap whether or not someone "drinks water while standing at night"??? These people don't worship a "god": they worship a neurotic, obsessive-compulsive, sociopathic control freak.

Two things have always struck me about Islam. One is the way in which, in any conflict between Muslims and non-Muslims, most Muslims will show absolute, unconditional solidarity with the Muslim party to the conflict-- no matter what horrible deeds he's committed.

The other thing is this picayune shit: go to any of the "online fatwa" websites like www.askimam.com, and it's amazing what trivial crap these people think their "god" wants them to do.

We're accustomed to religion providing some kind of overarching system for discerning right from wrong-- for being ethical human beings. But Islam seems to provide absolutely NOTHING but an enormous canonical list of largely nonsensical do's and don't's.

No wonder we've got such a problem with these jerks...

Posted by: Dave D.   2006-10-05 19:23  

#28  How about telling him to fuck off?

All by himself? That would be haram!
Posted by: Zenster   2006-10-05 18:39  

#27  How about telling him to fuck off?
Posted by: JFM   2006-10-05 17:04  

#26  This sort of pubic hairsplitting is what will eventually doom Islam to failure. Too bad we don't have time to wait around for that.

You can only take this "no fun allowed" sort of shit so far. Look where it got the Puritans.
Posted by: Zenster   2006-10-05 16:19  

#25  "...And if you shake it more than twice yer just playing"
(11th hour edit)

What's Arabic for "Master of My Domain" anyway?
Posted by: eLarson   2006-10-05 15:32  

#24  "islam is not a religion, it's a Law, binding the "faithful" in a web of circular-thinking, contradictory prescriptions, etc, etc... negating free will and leaving thinking to the Holy Men and to the power-that-be."

You're right on track here. The problem with the law is that man can't keep it. The Bible contains "law" too, but it's intent is to be a 'schoolmaster', to teach us that no matter how hard we try, nobody can keep the law. Of course, there are some more lawful than others, but everybody is a lawbreaker.

Devoid of the concept of God's grace, and bound only to a set of codified rules, islam results in a miserable existence, always trying to gain perfection with their 'god', even through violent and degenerated means, but never attaining it.
Posted by: mcsegeek1   2006-10-05 14:15  

#23  ...is permissible for a man to marry a woman only in order to be able to live in his wife's country...

Refering to EUrope ... answer being only if her father approves and she is a virgin

Europe and Virgin (not airlines, spacelines or records), father's approval in the same paragraph sounds a bit improbable unless they are "OR" not "AND" logical relationships...
Posted by: 3dc   2006-10-05 14:07  

#22  The question is:

Will .com be the first to ask the Great Leader if flushing Korans down the toilet or using your right hand to wipe with Koran pages as T.P. halal during Ramadan? Or will it be Al-Aska Paul?
Posted by: BA   2006-10-05 13:13  

#21  Well, being that there seems to be an obsession with homosexual activies among many Iraqi men, I'd say some of the sticky pages might have had Wacko Jacko on them. They would always say, "Michael Jackson fiki fiki [the dirty deed] little boys?" And than not at too disgusted when you told them yes. He must be their hero!
Posted by: Bama Marine   2006-10-05 12:57  

#20  It was "not permissible" to take part in meetings attended by both men and women, he told another reader.

Is it just me, or is this not halal during non-Ramadan days too? Man, it depresses me how much complete silliness I now know about this death cult religion.
Posted by: BA   2006-10-05 11:59  

#19  Sounds like the Supreme Leader's an expert on this subject...
Posted by: tu3031   2006-10-05 11:49  

#18  So which magazines had the sticky pages, Pamela's or Michael's?
Posted by: ed   2006-10-05 11:48  

#17  Or chokes a chicken.

Here it's "it makes the little Jesus cry", which is a very sexual thing to say to a guilty kid, I believe.
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-10-05 11:46  

#16  I sometimes give it up for Lent.

It's hard.

So to speak.
Posted by: Muzzturbating is Wrong   2006-10-05 11:29  

#15  This must be really tough as these guys are all Jack-offs anyways
Posted by: Cheaderhead   2006-10-05 11:03  

#14  Muslims have a fasicination with Pamaela Anderson & Michael Jackson. You should see the porn we would find in there "safe houses". Apparently, just like Mohammed Atta hanging out in strips clubs before his mission, when you dance with death, you can masterbate, drink, and do what ever you need to. Question from G. Gordon: "Why would one want 72 virgins? Wouldn't you rather 72 experienced women?"
Just a thought....
Posted by: Bama Marine   2006-10-05 10:20  

#13  ...and Allan knows best.
Posted by: Seafarious   2006-10-05 10:09  

#12  Or chokes a chicken.
Posted by: ed   2006-10-05 09:41  

#11  The Iranian leader went on to say, that every time somebody masturbates during Ramadan Allah kills a kitten.
Posted by: DepotGuy   2006-10-05 09:22  

#10  Btw, I'm glad I'm not muslim, because my only strong suits in life are taking a nap and masturbating.
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-10-05 09:17  

#9  "Once in the holy month of Ramadan, I forgot to brush my teeth, and some tiny bits of food..."
Words fail me.
Posted by: Darrell   2006-10-05 09:07  

#8  islam is not a religion, it's a Law, binding the "faithful" in a web of circular-thinking, contradictory prescriptions, etc, etc... negating free will and leaving thinking to the Holy Men and to the power-that-be.
When each and every minute action of everyday life (be it excreting, intercourse, eating, washing,...) is codified to the absurd, this insure total dependency of the faithful to the System.
The kind of NON-SENSE (come on...) in the article above, and in many, many others sad examples brought in here before, is a feature, not a bug.
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-10-05 08:16  

#7  Can one still take a pee ?
Posted by: Besoeker   2006-10-05 08:08  

#6  Though Ramadan rimjobs are most halal and blessed.

A. Rokanrollah,
Laying a fatwa on you
Posted by: Ayatollah Rokanrollah   2006-10-05 08:05  

#5  eeeew, BP! i'm still wondering how one unintentionally masturbates. Reach into one's pocket to get keys and grab something else instead? Stand too long next to a washing machine? Inquiring minds do NOT want to know.
Posted by: IG-88   2006-10-05 08:03  

#4  In my book Fasting is not eating, so are they erm swallowing the "discharge"?
Posted by: Bright Pebbles in Blairistan   2006-10-05 07:01  

#3  You should have told me earlier.....
Posted by: newc   2006-10-05 04:42  

#2  And don't hesitate to submit yourself questions to the Great Ayatollah Black Hat - the link is up at the top of the article. Make it good, lol, and post the results if you get a reply. This should become a regular RB feature - until the bloody end.
Posted by: .com   2006-10-05 01:58  

#1  "God says don't yank your chain. So DON'T."
Posted by: mojo   2006-10-05 01:50  

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