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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Smiling Bob Settles For $4.7 Million
2006-11-02
Hat tip Interested Participant.
2News has learned that a Dayton judge ruled on a multi-million dollar reward for men who were left frowning by Smiling Bob. Chances are you've seen the Enzyte commercial featuring the character Smiling Bob.
Full o' confidence he is. I have to confess, however, that I'd be about as willing to be 'Bob' in the ads as I would be to walk down the aisle in a fashion show wearing a black lace bro.
Lawsuits were filed in Dayton, Los Angeles, and Barber, Alabama against the company that sold the herbal supplement known as Enzyte. But without admitting liability, Cincinnati-based Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals put forth a settlement offer.
"You mean our stuff doesn't work? Bob sez otherwise!"
"The court approved the creation of a settlement fund of $4.7 million and they'll be a claims process and a notice sent out. And individuals who were affected will have an opportunity to make a claim," Attorney Jeff Goldenberg told 2News.
Works out to a limp two dollars per claimant after the stiff take for the lawyers.
More than 1.5 million men said the all-herbal natural male enhancement supplement known as Enzyte did not work for them. But they said they could not get their money back from Berkeley Nutraceuticals.
Apparently they had a flaccid response.
Goldenberg said this settlement will get them a refund, and also dismiss federal fraud charges against Berkeley. "When you think you've been harmed by a company, regardless of how small the damage, there is mechanisms in the legal process to assist you and others whether its ten others or five million other people."

Attorneys for the class members said the ten people who originally brought forth the complaint will receive more money for their trouble in addition to their share of the $4.7 million settlement.
Since they helped firm up the suit.
Posted by:Steve White

#16  His wife's probably very happy, with a sappy grin on her face.
Posted by: Omereper Snomble2813   2006-11-02 21:34  

#15  Contrariwise, one of the -good- arguments for organic meat farming is that it -reduces- antibiotic resistance to disease, since organic farmers aren't supposed to use the stuff.
Posted by: Ernest Brown   2006-11-02 20:22  

#14  lol, Frank...can always depend on you to take it straight to the gutter, lol!
Posted by: BA   2006-11-02 20:07  

#13  "When you think you've been harmed by a company, regardless of how small the damage...

Only a lawyer would settle after that slur....
Posted by: Frank G   2006-11-02 19:41  

#12  The incredible improvement in terms of quality of life notwithstanding, 'moose's first point stands alone in its importance.

First of all, because it works, it killed off the huge market in endangered species used as aphrodisiacs, saving dozens of species.

While traffic in endangered animal parts still exists, there is little reason for it to continue. More importantly, we need to make all such poaching an instant death sentence. Game wardens should have shoot-on-sight orders for enforcement within game reserves.

As an example, a researcher was conducting experiments on frogs which required a minor surgical procedure. After operating and suturing back up the frogs they would be tossed back into their tanks. Their, slimy, muddy, detritus filled tanks. It slowly dawned upon those involved that the frogs were not succumbing to infections at anywhere near the rate that would have been expected. Why was this?

It turns out that in order to combat the incredibly bacertia-filled world that frogs inhabit, their skin secretes a powerful anti-bacterial agent that protects them. Current research is being directed at adapting this agent for use against drug resistant strains that pose immense health risks in modern hospitals.

The final point being: We never know when a certain species of animal, tree, insect or whatever will suddenly turn out to be the secret to fighting AIDS, cancer or who knows what unforseen plague. Nature has spent billions of years perfecting the survival mechanisms of its denizens. Each and every one of them represents a potential solution to a host of human survival problems. All of which dissappear forever if that species goes extinct. Viagra will help save the tiger, rhinocerous and many other animals from extinction. This one single contribution is worthy of a nobel prize.
Posted by: Zenster   2006-11-02 19:20  

#11  Any time someone starts that "all-natural" crap with me about any supposed medication or treatment, I like to remind them that syphillis and gangrene are all-natural and organic as well. If the natural ingredient formulas had worked, Viagra would NOT have been invented. Like the stupids that are against antibiotics for bacterial infections -- if those herbs and teas had really worked, why were infections a death sentence 100 years ago?
Posted by: Shieldwolf   2006-11-02 18:51  

#10  I heard the the stuff really works if you look at your Johnson in one of those fun house mirrors. If this shit really worked they woudn't need to run commercials, every guy AROUND THE WORLD would be buying it by the case.
Posted by: Cyber Sarge   2006-11-02 12:43  

#9  Viagra also helps people with asthma to breathe better. The 4-hour woody is a bone-us.
Posted by: Deacon Blues   2006-11-02 12:35  

#8  Whahhahahahaaa
Posted by: Besoeker   2006-11-02 11:36  

#7  "More than 1.5 million men said the all-herbal natural male enhancement supplement known as Enzyte did not work for them."

Perhaps they should try grinding the supplement into a fine powder and mix it into lubricating topical-gell followed by a repetitive vigorous application to the afflicted areas of concern.
Posted by: DepotGuy   2006-11-02 11:32  

#6  Doc, you mean a black lace manziere.
Posted by: Spot   2006-11-02 09:55  

#5  Viagra is a life-saver for people with primary pulmonary hypertension. That disease usually kills within a year, and often requires lung transplants or heart-lung transplants, which aren't exactly common.
Posted by: Eric Jablow   2006-11-02 09:31  

#4  Third, it is now being used for all sorts of medical conditions, to include pediatric cardiac therapy for a fairly common and serious heart problem suffered by many infants.

Oh, for the love of God. How can you understand long term effects? Just what we need, an entire generation with Permanent Adolescent Raccoon Syndrome [PARS]. Torte lawyers standing by now.
Posted by: Procopius2K   2006-11-02 09:29  

#3  Ironically, Viagra and derivatives have turned out to be one of the most important drugs of the 20th Century, for odd reasons:

First of all, because it works, it killed off the huge market in endangered species used as aphrodisiacs, saving dozens of species.

Second, it is believed to work on all mammals, including endangered species, which meant that breeding more of them in captivity became a lot easier.

Third, it is now being used for all sorts of medical conditions, to include pediatric cardiac therapy for a fairly common and serious heart problem suffered by many infants.

It turns out to be one of the better vasodilators and new uses are still being discovered for it.
Posted by: Anonymoose   2006-11-02 08:18  

#2  Hard luck for those guys. Looks like they got stiffed.
Posted by: Jonathan   2006-11-02 07:05  

#1  If the word "nutraceutical" doesn't set off all of your deep diving klaxons, nothing will.
Posted by: Zenster   2006-11-02 01:44  

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