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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Kansas Outlaws Practice Of Evolution |
| 2006-11-30 |
| (The Onion) TOPEKA, KS—In response to a Nov. 7 referendum, Kansas lawmakers passed emergency legislation outlawing evolution, the highly controversial process responsible for the development and diversity of species and the continued survival of all life. "From now on, the streets, forests, plains, and rivers of Kansas will be safe from the godless practice of evolution, and species will be able to procreate without deviating from God's intended design," said Bob Bethell, a member of the state House of Representatives. "This is about protecting the integrity of all creation." The sweeping new law prohibits all living beings within state borders from being born with random genetic mutations that could make them better suited to evade predators, secure a mate, or, adapt to a changing environment. In addition, it bars any sexual reproduction, battles for survival, or instances of pure happenstance that might lead, after several generations, to a more well-adapted species or subspecies. Violators of the new law may face punishments that include jail time, stiff fines, and rehabilitative education and training to rid organisms suspected of evolutionary tendencies. Repeat offenders could face chemical sterilization. |
| Posted by:Zoot |
| #12 Right, pi has decoupled from Euclidian geometry and is now calculated from power series. Historically, it was the ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a circle. If you make those measurements, calculate, and don't come up with pi, your circle is not living in a flat space; e.g. on the surface of the earth, the ratio depends on the diameter of the circle. The spinning circle is an interesting thought experiment, known as Ehrenfest's paradox. The circumference is Lorentz contracted but the diameter is not. It troubled Einstein quite a bit and was likely one of the considerations that led him to the concept of warped spacetime in the presence of energy. |
| Posted by: KBK 2006-11-30 23:32 |
| #11 How do you arrive at the value of pi ? By measurement ? I don't sink so. |
| Posted by: wxjames 2006-11-30 21:20 |
| #10 If you could get that circle spinning at about 30% of the speed of light, pi would be 3.0. |
| Posted by: KBK 2006-11-30 20:12 |
| #9 π ≈ 3.14159265358979 Count the letters in each word:
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| Posted by: Eric Jablow 2006-11-30 18:21 |
| #8 Mark E: actually individuals can evolve. It's the theory of "punctuated equilibrium". And I can give you an example: A man is watching a sporting event on TV. Right when the critical game play is being held in the final seconds, his wife enters the room, bends over in her size 15 pink stretch pants and says, "Honey, do these pants make my ass look big?" He is now forced, by punctuated equilibrium, to either evolve or die. Most likely he will die. |
| Posted by: Anonymoose 2006-11-30 15:11 |
| #7 A little evolution wouldn't hurt the lowbrows in Kansas a bit. |
| Posted by: bigjim-ky 2006-11-30 15:04 |
| #6 Since individuals do not "evolve", noone can violate this law.... |
| Posted by: Mark E. 2006-11-30 14:15 |
| #5 secure a mate So, this doesn't concern me, even if I go one day to Kansas, traveling the world to heal the loneliness in my heart. |
| Posted by: anonymous5089 2006-11-30 13:47 |
| #4 Mmmm...pie. |
| Posted by: Seafarious 2006-11-30 13:41 |
| #3 pi = 3.14159265(...) |
| Posted by: mojo 2006-11-30 13:26 |
| #2 Well, what's wrong with that? I never could remember that silly number, anyway. Besides, it isn't 3.14159. |
| Posted by: KBK 2006-11-30 13:15 |
| #1 And the next thing you know some state legislator will propose a law changing the ratio of a circle from 3.14159 to 3.0. |
| Posted by: GK 2006-11-30 12:25 |