#13 Twas The Night Before Xmas
Twas the night before Xmas, eminent domain took my house
To convert it to habitat, for an endangered species of mouse.
My town was once decorated, with bright Christmas flair,
'Til someone dropped a dime and the ACLU got there.
My children were restless with mush in their heads,
From public schools run, by some union's dregs.
My wife in a poncho with Che on the back.
Dreamt that the Soviets would make a big come back.
When out on the lawn there arose such a blather,
I thought it was Sheehan, or maybe Dan Rather.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters to see the Bush-bash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my worried eyes should appear,
But a VW bus, filled with folks in the rear.
With a horny old driver, so loquacious and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Slick.
More vapid than beagles the Senators they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Dorgan! now, Durbin! now, Nelson and Kerry!
On, Baucus! On, Biden!, on Levin and Leahy!
Nationalize healthcare! Put back Gorelich's wall!
Now tax away! Tax away! Tax away, all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the Congress the devils they flew,
With the promise of foodstamps, re-deployment, and Slick Willy 2.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of evil little hooves.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Slick came with a bound.
He looked to be moderate, from his head to his foot,
Until he looked round, for something to loot.
A bundle of earmarks he had hung on his back,
He looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
His eyes how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
He spanked my wife's butt cheeks, 'til red as a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
The powder in his nose, looked to be primo blow.
The stump of a cigar sat tight in his teeth,
He glowered at my wife, while I watched in disbelief.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of my self!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He made for my wife, now in our bed.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And fondled my beloved, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He did another quick toot, than up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his feet, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew after confiscating my pistol.
'ere he drove out of sight, I heard him exclaim,
"Don't worry schmuck, because I feel your pain!"
http://www.riehlworldview.com/carnivorous_conservative/2006/12/twas_the_night_.html |
Have a jolly Rantburg Christmas
