TWO lovers were tied to trees and stoned to death for adultery by angry relatives in a Pakistani village. "Hrarrr! Yarrr! Get a rope!"
Police said the couple, in their early 40s, were killed in a barrage of rocks thrown by relatives of the woman in Donga Bonga village in central Punjab province on Sunday.
"Donga Bonga"? There's an actual place called Donga Bonga? And it's inhabited by primitives who stone each other to death? Honest to Gawd, we don't make this stuff up.
"It was a case of honour killing and we have arrested two brothers of the woman,'' local police chief Zafar Bokhari said.
Both of them were in their 40s. How was honor violated? They weren't closely enough related? Neither was a member of the animal kingdom?
Mr Bokhari said the woman's family was annoyed because of her alleged affair with a man from the same village and planned the murder with the help of other relatives.
Oh, that explains it: A tragic end to the old Humpa Humpa in Donga Bonga...
Donga Bonga police officer Haji Mohammad identified the woman as Ellahi Hussain and the man as Hafeez Shah. Mr Mohammad said the attackers dragged them from the house with a rope tied around the couple's neck to the trees, where they smashed their heads with stones and bricks. "Hey, Maqbool! I jest thoughta somethin'. Din't y'all used to have a sister? Whutever happened to her?"
"Smashed her head in with a rock."
"Oh. Hokay. Y'got any more o' that pone?"
Police reached the scene after some villagers heard the cries of the couple and contacted the authorities. "We saw them sleeping together and we could not tolerate this immoral act and decided to punish them,'' the woman's brother, Maqbool, told the police in custody.
In Pakland, even the adults can't indulge in the occasional spot of adultery.
Mr Mohammad said police were conducting raids to arrest two others relatives who allegedly took part in the killing.
Really, they don't feel shame like we do.